Conversations

2 days ago I was talking to my Mom on the phone. She was telling me that over the weekend, she and my step-dad had some friends over. 2 other couples. The friends had inquired about her children.
She gave them a quick update and when she got to me, she told them about the surrogacy.

I guess questions started to fly, and from what I can tell, my Mom did a damn fine job on educating them.

Of course there was the usual questions, like "Whose baby is it?"
She explained that it was Carly's egg and Ben's sperm.

They asked "Won't it be hard for her to give the baby up anyway?"

And my Mom told them exactly what I had told her when she asked that same question of me last year.
She answered " She's not giving it up. She's giving it back. It wasn't hers to begin with."

They said " So she's just basically an incubator?"

"Well yes," my Mom gently agreed, but then clarified things in her own words " You don't know my daughter. This is what she's like. She's just going to tuck it into a safe place under her heart and carry it for a while."

My Mom made me cry. That's it exactly.








I was in the kitchen yesterday and Allen and TJ were in the adjoining living room.

TJ (talking to Allen about something) "Why did you give that to him?"

Allen "Cause I'm a good man."

TJ "Yep, my Dad is a nice man (looks over toward me) and my Mom is a nice lady."

Allen "She is."

TJ "And I'm glad that you married each other."

Allen "Me too, that makes two of us."







Last night I was in W@lgreenz, talking on my cell phone to Carly.
We were all over the place in our conversation. We started discussing our cycle, and how we feel about Dr.Ego. We talked about our clinic, and how they have the best live birth rates in our state. We talked about how out of the 7 doctors in our clinic, Dr.Ego has the best stats. We talked about how his personality really stinks though, as he is a research scientist, and he's really egotistical, cold and talks above you.

As I was wandering around the store, I was getting more and more passionate about our conversation. I forgot where I was, and my voice was raised.

Carly "Well his bedside manner really sucks, but since he's the best... that's all that really matters to me."

Now, no one was in the aisle while we were having this conversation. But like I said, I wasn't really paying much attention anyway, and I was talking way louder than I realized. I was one of those people on their phones, you know the ones I'm talking about.

So I boom out " Absolutely! I feel the same way! I don't care how much of an asshole he is, as long as he gets me pregnant!"

And then I hear a snort of of laughter, and there's a lady who has entered the end of the aisle, and she's laughing as she walks past me.

I. Was. Mortified.

And as she passes me I stutter " No, NO! It's not like that!"

And she says, still laughing, "It's Ok honey, I know what you mean."

And now I just can't keep my mouth shut as I yell toward her as she leaving the aisle, " No really! You don't! We're talking about a Doctor! Not a guy! And..."

Carly was in hysterics listening to the whole thing.

I left the W@lgreenz without buying anything.

Sigh of relief

Carly's E2 came in at 700. I am thrilled.
Just for comparison, last year when I cycled with Sally, Sally's E2 on Day 5 of stims was 29.

Our nurse says everything looks perfect for Carly this cycle. She goes in again on Monday. They expect her to trigger Tuesday or Wednesday.

*Whew*

So far so good...

So far Carly has 13 or 14 follicles on the right. 1x16, 2x14, 2x13 and the rest 10-12. Good right?
On the left, the ovary that hides and is hard to see, she has 4 follicles. She doesn't remember the sizes, but they're 10's or better, but not as big as the right.(no 14, 15, or 16s)
The nurse and a doctor that happened to be in there said that the right is beautiful. The left is good too.
I can't wait to hear her E2 level this afternoon.

Carly's first check...

Well, she should be heading to the clinic right now. Her appointment is for 9:30am. They promised to have her out of there by 10am. She said she'll call me as soon as she gets in the car, to tell me how many follicles she has, and what size they are. She's also going to call me later this afternoon after the clinic calls her with her E2 number.
More soon!

*Yawn*

I am so tired this morning. I could barely help TJ get ready for school, and drive him on time.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I help the kids in his class for two hours.(3rd grade)

The children have one on one reading time with me. They haltingly, agonizingly read to me, and I listen, and offer help when needed.
I do this from 10am-12pm. Then, it's lunch time and I take TJ home for a quick lunch. Today, after I drop him back off at school, I need to drive to TWO different pharmacies to pick up the rest of the meds that my pharmacy didn't have in stock. One to get crinone, one to get estrogen patches.

Then, I have an appointment to give blood at Red Cross at 2:15.

Next, I have to pick up TJ after school at my MIL's house.

Then it's homework help time, while making dinner.

I think I'm forgetting something....
Oh Yes! I have to take Kate tonight to have her figures skates punched out in spots, and stretched.

Ok, I've got to go. It's time to brush my teeth and throw on the 'ol ballcap, and get to the school.

Today is stim day 4 for Carly!

Odds 'N Ends

Here's some random bits of info I've got to tell you.

* Carly is on 1 bottle of stims less, both morning and night than Dr.Ego originally wanted her to take.
Once she had her baseline scan, I guess he decided that she had a good amount of antral follicles, and took a look at her past protocol.

* Her new protocol is 150 Gonal F (2 bottles) in the morning and
150 (2 bottles) of Repronex (also changed from Pergonal) at night.
So that's that. I'm glad that he scaled it back a bit.

* Today was her second day of stims, and her next scan and bloodwork is this Friday. (stim day 5)

* Remember when I got the surprise speculum? And then I got the call that the "integrity of the sample was compromised" and we needed to do it again?
Well we had to wait to re-do it, because my period arrived right after that call.
Yesterday, while I was having my baseline scan, I asked my nurse about it. She told me that the sample wasn't even run, because they just changed the vials that the sample goes in to, and the medium that surrounds it.
I guess my nurse had used an "old' (like a week) vial, so they wouldn't run it. But they hadn't even sent her the new vials to use. Dumb asses.
So I have to have that done again, because of their new changes. Grrr, clinics.

* I go again next Monday for a u/s to check my lining, and blood levels. Also for the second round with the speculum for the rest of my testing.

Umm, I think that's it for now. I'll add to the list when I remember if I forgot anything.

Another cycle begins

My daughter is Kate 13 years (and 2 months) old.
Yesterday, she got her period for the first time.
*sob*
It actually got to me emotionally.
I was pregnant for Kate at the age of 18, and delivered her when I was barely 19 years old. It really doesn't seem that long ago. I can't believe that my baby girl is growing up so quickly. Some years, time seems to hold still, and your children almost seem like they'll never grow up or change.
But every once in a while, there's a moment, or an event that makes your eyes open...and you see clearly for a moment. You look at your child and you say "Wow. They look so different to me today."
Or, "I can't belive that they're able to do that."
Yesterday was one of those moments.
I kept catching myself studying my daughter's face as she did her homework. I looked over at her more than usual as we watched a movie. Looking at her profile, I realized that my little girl isn't so little anymore. She's really a young lady. And at the same time I am sad, I am proud and awed at the woman she is becoming.

I'm so excited!

Sing it with me now.
"I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it..."

TODAY IS THE DAY. The day our cycle truly begins. I am so happy!

I just got back from my u/s and bloodwork at the clinic.
My uterus looks perfect, and my lining is at a nice thin 3.
I start estrogen pills and patches tonight after I pick them up from the pharmacy.
I return for another lining check next Monday. My lining should be at a 12 or more by then, as it tends to thicken quickly. Excellent stuff!

I talked to Carly, who had gone to our main clinic this morning.
(I go to one of our satellite offices.)
She had her baseline scan and bloodwork done. On the right side she had 11 or 12 follicles, and on the left side she had 4. She told me that they always have a hard time seeing her left side, and that there was most likely more follicles there. So as of today we're at 16 antral follicles. Good stuff right?
Right now she's at her pharmacy, picking up her stim meds. Have I said how excited I am? AYIEEEE!

I talked to my favorite nurse today, asking her about the increase in meds for Carly. She reassured me that it wasn't too drastic, and that Dr.Ego will cut her back in a couple of days if she starts off too quickly. She said that he'd rather start off a little heavy, and then cut back if needed. I guess if you start stims hesitantly and then try to boost meds up, sometimes the cycle never "gets off the ground."
Ok. I'll accept that explanation.
For now.
We'll see what happens.

Come on eggs! We want lots of healthy eggs!

In my email

I just got an email from my daughter's friend. It wasn't to me, but to my daughter. Why she gave out MY email? I have no idea. Here is the email in it's entirety.

PaRtY hArD, RoCk'N'rOll, We'Re tHe ClaSs YoU cAn'T cOnTrol! nAuGhTy LaDiEs, PiMpiN mEn! We'Re ThE claSs Of 2010!!!



Oh lord.

Grrrr- clinics

They're making us wait until Monday. I hate them right now.

Carly called the clinic this morning at 8am and left a message. Nurse Biatch called her back around 3pm. Told her that they would see her Monday for her first scan and she'll start stims that night. Damn. We were hoping to start stims tomorrow. I HATE WAITING. Carly practically begged the nurse to take her on day 3 (Saturday) when they normally do scans,( as far as we know they do them every day, they have before) but Nurse Biatch would not relent. Mondays are a really tough day for Carly, she teaches high school for the day and goes straight to college to teach for the night. Why oh why won't they scan her and start her stims on Saturday? Wahhhh.

I guess they told her that she'll be doing a new stim protocol which kind of freaks us both out. She's had great success with egg amount and quality on 1 amp Pergonal in the am and 1 amp Gonal-F in the pm.
(or maybe the other way around, I forget which is morning and which is at night)
Since she's doing a surrogacy this time, she had to switch Dr's at our clinic. Her Dr. doesn't do IVF with surrogates.
Now, I don't have the greatest respect for our current doctor. I had him earlier last year when I cycled with Sally and Don. I believe he may have messed up our cycle and the outcome.
Guess who our Dr is? Mmmmm Hmmm. I AM a little worried.

Like I said, she's cycled with our clinic over 10 times in the last 7 years. They've gotten her pregnant 5 times. Her protocol was good. Very good response.
Her stim time is alsways 8 days from first stim shot to trigger shot. Then of course 2 days until retrieval. 10 days total.
She gets lots of eggs (ususally 20-30)
Lots fertilize (usually upper teens)
They freeze some on day 3 and a bunch go to blast (5-10)
WHY MESS WITH THAT?

This time Dr.Ego is having her take 3 amps in the morning (whichever is the sub-q, gonal-f or pergonal) and 3 amps at night (whichever is the IM shot, so Ben can do it for her.)
I'm worrying over here.
It's only been a year and a little bit since her last IVF cycle. She's 39. Isn't that a drastic leap in stim change?

I don't know. I hate to be a micro manager. I'm a super worrier and control freak. I have to stop.
Just because I had a negative cycling experience with Dr.Ego early last year, doesn't mean that this one will be bad too.

Right?

I'll try to let go, I'll try to wait patiently until Monday.




Is it Monday yet?

Trumpets sound

Carly's period has arrived!
She called me before the clinic.
I'll know more when she calls me back,
but TODAY is OFFICIALY CYCLE DAY ONE!

Scratch that

Ok, I just talked to Carly, for about an hour. We're all caught up now. She hasn't started her period yet, but expects to start tomorrow.
We had a good conversation. She told me a couple of things that made my heart squishy. She told me that she was telling her family about me on the cruise this past week. I think her words were " I was bragging to them about how great you are, and how lucky I am."
She told me that she told them "You guys are going to love her."
She also said that I'm going to love her family, that they'll have me constantly laughing.
We talked about how she is such a busy person, and that her friends and family are already giving her a hard time, telling her that she will have to slow down soon, once the "babies" are here.
She knows this, and she's fully prepared to do that, and she'll be thrilled for the opportunity. But she has admitted to me that she is nervous about the reality of becoming a mommy of a newborn or two.
She laughingly said to me that she told them "Are you kidding? I'm going to have Dee (me) move in with me part time."
I told Carly that I doubt there'll be room for me around those "babies" once they're born, that I'd probably have to wrestle down one of her family members to get some time with them.

(why we always say "babies", I have no idea, we both just say it in plural all the time)

She then said something about me being the one she'll trust the most once they're born, after having just carried them.
She also jokingly said something about loving to employ me as a nanny "after you've had time to recover of course!"
I think she is overcome with nervousness, thinking that she'll need lots of help due to her being a first time mom. But if you guys knew Carly, you'd know like I do that she's going to be a fantastic mommy. I have no doubts about that.

Almost there

Well, my period arrived this morning. I have no idea what's going on with Carly, I haven't talked to her. I left her two messages today, one on her cell, the other on their home phone. I hope she calls me soon, I'm really starting to wonder what's going on.

Not happy

My nurse from the IVF clinic called. The integrity of the sample was compromised. I have to re-do the speculum surprise. Not happy.

Last BCP

This morning I took my last birth control pill. So glad. My stomach is so bloated, my boobs are about to explode and I am the cryingest, snappiest biatch around. I'm about 4 days overdue right now, and I'll be a week or so overdue by the time it actually starts, since I had to take more pills than Carly so that she could catch up and our cycles would be in sync.

Other than that there's nothing new. Carly and Ben are on their cruise right now. I hope they're basking in the sun, relaxing as much as possible.

Too much sun can't affect egg quality can it? I'm so kidding.

Home

Allen's home. I'm trying to get the aftermath of Christmas taken care of, the house and our lives back to normal.

The appointment for my lupron and ultrasound yesterday was horrible. I got a surprise visit from the speculum. My nurse forgot to tell me that they needed to test for the clap and something else. Hmmm, didn't have that earlier this year when I was with Sally and Don.

When she inserted the speculum, or should I say when she TRIED to insert it, I swear the thing had jagged razor edges. I about hit the roof of the examining room. I can take quite a bit of pain, and for the first few moments I said nothing. Then I started saying "ow, oW OW!" and she replied "sorry, so sorry, but wow you have a long way to your cervix. I can't reach it. It's way up there."
Now, in my 15 years of having pap smears, births etc, no one has ever told me this, or had a problem reaching my cervix. So she said she'd try again and she took it out and did it again. Fun. The second time was slightly better, and she admitted once she got where she needed to be, that she didn't have it positioned correctly the first time. Uh hunh. Thanks.
She gave me my lupron shot, and I was on my way. Our cycle is started! Here we go!

Sigh

Allen still in hospital. Don't know for how much longer.
I'm losing it over here. So much going on.
Lupron Depot shot and ultrasound for the go-ahead tomorrow morning at the clinic.
Talk soon.

Hospital

Allen's in the hospital, and has been since yesterday at noon, right after the kids opened their gifts. It's his diverticulosis, "itis" now that it's flaring up. This time a general surgeon has decided that Allen will go under the knife, as soon as they can get his affected colon to clear up. They're hitting him with large doses of pennicillan, two different kinds, and he should be home in a couple more days. He'll have surgery to remove the offending section of colon in a couple of months.
I just came home to let the puppy out, and check on his food and water, now it's back to the hospital.
This sucks.

Drugs

Going to pick up my second pack of birth control pills. I only have 2 of the active pills left. I can't believe that I've already taken 3 weeks worth. My nurse told me to skip the week of inactive white pills and continue on to a new pack, so I had to reorder. Only 8 more birth control pills to take before I can stop. I'm so happy about that. I also ordered my Lupron Depot shot, I'm picking that up tonight, and taking it on Dec 28th. Only 7 more days!

Well, we found out the cost to have the car repaired. $2,800.
We don't have it right now. I don't know what we're going to do.
I have to admit, it's times like these that make me re-think being a stay at home mom and surrogate. I've thought about returning to work,but this just isn't the right time to do it, for so many reasons.
For now we're going to continue to borrow Allen's mom's second vehicle, and Allen said he's going to have the car towed home from the impound yard tonight.
He says he may try to fix it himself.
Now, my man can change brakes and rotors and change our oil, but to do the kind of repairs that our car needs after an accident? Ummm. We'll see what happens.
Stay tuned.

Will pictures do?

I'm so, so sick. My voice has been gone since yesterday afternoon. I can barely get a whisper out. This sucks.

In lieu of an entry, will a few photos do?

I picked up Kate's friend Christy. She's spending the night tonight. Yes, on a school night. Am I a cool Mom or what? Actually, the girls are only allowed to spend school nights at each other's houses, no where else. Christy's Mom works with disabled kids at the girls' junior high, so I know Kate will get to school, and on time, when she spends the night there. Christy's Mom trusts us to do the same. The girls actually go to bed on time when their together. So it's really not a problem.

The other night when Christy stayed over, I taught them how to make apple crisp and tonight I taught them how to make tree bark. (Chocolate covered crackers) whatever you want to call it.


Girls making apple crisp (Kate on right, Christy on left)


Making tree bark tonight.




After we were finished baking I went upstairs to the kitchen, because I realized that I didn't have a picture of the finished product.
As I got to the top of the stairs Christy ran giggling to the girls bed. I said "busted." They were already told to be in bed. When I got to the crackers cooling on the counter, this is what I saw. Look at the cracker in the center of the picture.






That is a finger mark. Someone dragged their finger through 5 of the chocolate crackers.
Of course I can't holler, because my voice is gone. I whispered while making disgusted faces and accused both of the girls, who of course denied it. Vehemently.
I told them to call TJ downstairs. He was also in bed already. He came down and I did the same with him. He denied it. I kept asking him because I know my 8 year old. If he did it, he would cave with repeated questioning. After the 5th time I whispered "TJ did YOU do it... tell me the TRUTH..." he giggled. Little bastard. He said... "but it was so goood..' in this guilty voice. My boy loves chocolate.

The guilty party.



Well I guess this ended up to be a full entry. You can thank TJ.

Canine Carnage

Here is some of the canine carnage. This is all within the past week. These pictures do not NOT include my favourite ballcap which has been destroyed, or Allen's favourite tie- with the end chewed off.
Include many more pees and poops in improper places and there you have it.


The Canine:



The Carnage:

The Tim Hortons was TJ's hot chocolate, and the Marlboro's are Allen's.



That's what you think it is.




Allen's best dress shoe.



My new boots. Check out the left boot. The top and the back.



Kate's toe sock.

I hurt

Oh God it hurts. Make it go away. My throat feels like a cheese grater when I swallow. My head like a pressurized ball, my chest like a troop of girls scouts have made a bonfire in there.
See that post down below. Yeah. That one was because I was up at 4:30am this morning. The PAIN woke me out of a deep sleep and I had to get up and make a mug of hot tea, and down it all, just so I could swallow and get back to sleep.

Today, I have to drive to Canada to pick up my daughter, who is at her Dad's house. It will only take me about 2 1/2 hours roundtrip, but I hate it all the same. Whose damn idea was it to move to the U.S. anyway?
Also, I am going to start posting pictures of the Canine Carnage.
* pictures to follow, camera too dead to upload *

Bored and Bitchy

Well, I'm bored and bitchy over here. I want to know what they put in these birth control pills. I've been a stark raving bitch. I'm trying to keep it inside. It doesn't always work. Honestly, I feel a little psychotic. One minute I'm fine, the next minute the smallest thing makes me want to flip out. This is not me. I want it to go away.

Our Depot Lupron shots are on Dec 28th, and we stop taking our birth control pills on Dec 30th. Could someone please tell me when my period should start? With my last two IVF cycles I wasn't on the B/C pills. My period started 5 days after the lupron. (if I remember correctly)

In other news, Carly and I havn't talked much, she is insanely busy with her high school and college students. She is also in charge of planning a family cruise for 40 people, they leave Dec 25th or 26th for a 4 or 5 day cruise. She'll be back on Dec 30th or 31st (I forget).
I think we've talked once in the last 10 days.

She said something that made me cringe the other day.
It started innocently enough. She was thanking me for everything I've done so far. For being organized and taking some of the pressure off of her to do everything.
She said something to the effect of, "I just can't believe how much you're helping me. Things are going so smoothly. Most surrogates wouldn't do what you've done. Ben and I are so glad we hired you to be our surrogate."
And then she said something about paying someone... I forget. My brain kind of blinked off at that, as I started mulling over the "hired help" part of what she said.
Then, because I was so quiet, and I think she realized how what she said sounded, she quickly added, "but I know- we're friends too." The tone in her voice implying that this isn't just buisness, we are starting to care for each other in a more personal way.

Ok, I know that they have in fact "hired" me to be their surrogate. But ick. Yes, they are compensating me for what I am doing. But when I hear the word hired, I think of a boss/employee relationship and it doesn't feel good. Hopefully it was just a poor use of words, and not a Freudian slip.

Winter in Michigan

This is what it looks like at my house today.
I just snapped this picture of the creek that runs across the end of my backyard.

I've been tagged

Well Cat did it. She was the first ever to tag me. Thanks girl, it was great!

Five things about me.

1. I live in Michigan. I've noticed that a few of my readers are from MI also.
It looks like there are a couple of you that live within 15-30 minutes from me.
Hello!

2. I'm Canadian. Born and raised there, didn't move to the U.S until 1997. (see below)

3. I met my husband in a chat room ( anyone remember POWWOW chatrooms?) back in Oct of 1996. I lived in Canada, Allen lived in the U.S.
November 1st, 1996 we decided to meet face to face. We met at a local bar. I chose this place specifically because a friend of mine was the doorman, and said that if Allen turned out to be some freaky weirdo, he'd throw him out on his ass. Things went wonderfully, and six months later Allen and I got married.(1997) I moved to Michigan. We've been married for 8 1/2 years now.
9 years this spring. I love the internets!

4. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I'm 32. If this surrogacy is successful, I plan on going to school to become a licensed Massage Therapist in January of 2007.

5. I didn't drive/get my license until I was 25 years old.

I tag Lynette, Dooney, Jennie, Thalia, and Stacy.

I'm a bitch

Just an update to say that I'm bitchy and crabby and I'm blaming it all on the birth control pills. Holy mother of God, I've been a hormonal mess.

Still no word on the car, other than it may be fixable. There is a guy at the towing yard that does body work and he said that he would call around to get used part prices and then call us with an estimate for him to do the work. Last we heard (Saturday) the guy was waiting on some part prices from other yards.

La la la. We're still waiting. Being a two car family was overrated anyway.

Did I metion that we only had PLPD for insurance on the Sable? No? Well, everything is going to be out of pocket, and our pockets were already empty.

Also, my sister in law bought me a pair of cute Ugg-like boots. The puppy chewed the hell out of them.
This morning I woke up to 4 Christmas bulbs shattered in 4 seperate locations throughout the house.
Damn.

Bad Day Already

6am- wake up to new puppy pee and poop on floor.

7am- got in argument with 13 year old daughter. Husband and daughter leave for work and school, I start crying as soon as the door shuts.

7:30 am- 8 year old wakes up and has peed the bed, strip the bed, put him in the tub.

7:45 am- Husband calls and has hit a patch of ice, slides into rear end of some guys van, bends the guys bumper and tells me that he thinks our 2000 Sable is totalled. I hang up, and start to cry some more.

More later. Fuck.

Next Month!

Well here we are in December. I can finally say that we're having our transfer next month. Next month!

Carly and I talk on the phone a couple of times a week. Every time we talk, it reinforces to me how lucky we are. She's great. Warm, loving, talkative.
We get so excited in our phone calls that we often talk over each other. It's like we both have so much to say, and we just can't hold it in. We're constantly telling each other how great we think the other person is. I told her the other day that we have our own Mutual Admiration Society. She just laughed and agreed.

She also mentioned to me yesterday she was talking to one of our nurses at the clinic and our nurse told her that they wished they had known after I wasn't working with Sally and Don anymore, that I was looking for another couple to work with. They would have loved to have had me surrogate for one of the many couples in need at our clinic. Carly told me that our nurse was being very complimentary about me. Carly laughed and said to me, "Well I'm glad that they didn't tell you that, or I would never have gotten you!"

What a sweetheart she is. She makes me feel very appreciated with her words. Remember one of my fears was being thought of as an employee? Well it's not going to happen with this couple, let me tell you. I can tell they value who I am and what I'm doing. They also appreciate my husband and his role in supporting what I'm doing. I feel very blessed to be helping this couple.

Carly and Ben have already asked us (the kids and all) to an annual family get-together on New Years Day, at their house. They're just thoughtful people and I appreciate that very much.

Last week when she and I were talking, she told me how she had just went to a Craft and Bead Show.
I said "What? I never knew they had those around here, I make jewellery."
She said " You do? So do I!"
I said " Actually, I've been looking for a certain stone, because I'm making you something."
She said, "No way! I was planning on making you something for Christmas!"


In other news..

Carly's period is due this weekend.
When we talked yesterday I told her to hurry up and start already.
Then I said "Go and have some good sex tonight, that'll get it going for sure."
and as I was saying that, she said, "Ben and I should do it tonight, that always gets it going." at the exact same time!
What a riot.
We're on the same wave length. Kinda scary.

So yeah. Things are good. I want January to BE HERE ALREADY!

I'm going to take my first birth control pill now ...

My old friend birth control

My Nurse called from the clinic today. I start birth control pills on Saturday. It's been about 12 years since I've taken them. Should be interesting.

Then, next Wednesday I'll go have an ultrasound to check out the old uterus, and make sure it's still in good shape. I'll also have bloodwork/screening for HIV, Hepatitis etc, to make sure I haven't contracted anything in the last 10 months.

I had screening done in February when I cycled with Sally and Don, so it's really a pain in the ass that I have to do it over again, especially since I'm with the same clinic, but I understand why they need to check. I also have to go to my Ob-Gyn's and get a copy of my most current pap. Gah. It feels like I just did this stuff...oh yeah...I did.

Oh well. You do what you have to do. I can't wait to get to the actual cycling part. The exciting stuff. The nail biting 2 week wait.

I just don't want to be let down again. I don't want Carly and Ben to be let down. I want this to work.

It's going to work.

3rd cycle's the charm right?

Who wants to hear about my period?

Well, it's here! Full flow baby! CD1- Yahooo!
And AWAY we go!
Hoping for healthy embryos and a BFP in January!

New addition to the family

His name is Jack. He's 10 weeks old. He's a good boy. Now the other one, Kate, she's not always such a good girl. :)

No Worries

I talked to my nurse at the IVF clinic today. She said not to worry, that I am supposed to start my BC pills on either day 3 or day 5 of my period, not day 1 as I had thought. She's going to check with Carly's nurse, and let me know which day to start taking them. As my period hasn't started full flow yet, and I believe Carly already dropped my perscription in the mail today, everything should be fine.

Getting Closer

Well, Carly called me this afternoon to tell me that both of our birth control perscriptions arrived at her house. Why didn't the clinic mail mine to me? Ugh. Carly and I live 45-50 minutes apart. She's going to drop my script in the mail Monday. I should have it by Tuesday or Wednesday at the latest.
The thing is, I'm due to have my period any day now. I'm guessing that I'll be CD1 between Mon-Wed, so that's cutting it a little bit close.
If I start before I get my script in the mail, I'll just phone the clinic and they can phone it in. As a matter of fact, I think I'll just call Monday morning anyway and have them phone it in.
Yep, that's the plan.
I'll call Carly tomorrow and tell her to save herself the stamp.
Glad we got that worked out.

Carly also asked me if I got the email from Dr. Psych's office, back on Wednesday.
Ummm that's a no.
Carly forwarded a copy of it to me, and everything looks great. She's going to talk to Dr.Psych Monday and tell her that we think everything looks good, and to go ahead and send us the actual contract so we can sign it and have it notarized.
We should get it in the mail by the end of next week, barring any unforseen complications.
Excellent.
Looks like everything is in place.

Didn't think it would be this bad...

This is Kate when she was 4 years old, and Chewy was 1.
Kate is now 13.


I miss my dog when I go to get up off the couch, and I glance down to make sure I don't step on him. He always layed right underneath wherever I sat.

I miss him when someone comes to our door and we don't hear a deep warning "woof."

I miss him in the morning when I wake up alone. He always climbed into bed and slept in my husbands spot, beside me, as soon as my husband left at 7 am.

I miss him following me into each child's room as I tucked them into bed at night.

I miss having to make sure the door is completely shut behind us when we go out the front door, so he doesn't follow.

I miss watching him and my husband wrestle on the living room floor.

I miss kissing his big snout.

I miss him wandering up and laying his head in my lap while I'm sitting on the couch.

I miss my shadow. He followed me from room to room throughout the day. Everywhere.

I miss him coming into the kitchen after dinner, to see what handouts he could get.

I can't even finish this because I miss him so much.

Sobbing

I had to put our dog down today.
He was 10 years old.
He was the best pet I've ever had.
I am so fucking sad.

I've been neglecting you.

Sorry about that.
There wasn't much to report.

Yesterday- Allen, Carly, Ben and I went to Dr.Psych's office. She was great!
We were there for about 2 hours. Basically the four of us sat in comfy chairs in her office, talked and drank coffee and tea. We went over everything that we agreed to from amount of embryos to transfer to where we will deliver. We went through all of our plans.

We agreed to 2 more counselling sessions, one at 12 weeks of pregnancy and one at 5-6 months. More if needed. Just to keep the lines of communication open between the two couples. Many issues can crop up during a surrogacy, and she wants us to be aware of that.

She gave me the psych test as a take home assignment. I did it in the car on the way home yesterday, and mailed it back to her last night.
It was the Milan test,and you answer with a True or False. I think my favourite statement was "I was on the cover of ten magazines last year."
I also enjoyed answering "I haven't seen a car in the last 10 years."

So now Dr. Psych is having our contracts drawn up, and we'll have them to review by email in a couple of days. If we agree to everything and no changes need to be made, then she'll send us the hard copy at the end of this week, beginning of next. The 4 of us will go and have it notarized, and we're done.

Now, we're just waiting on my period, which is due in 7-9 days. I'll call the clinic and start on BCPs. Things are about to move quickly now. Yes!

IVF here we come...

We have dates! Carly called the clinic today and spoke to Dr.Ego's nurse. This is also the same nurse that my last IM (Sally) and I had for our cycle.
So, Nurse Christy said that this is how we'll proceed.

She's mailing Carly and I our birth control prescriptions.
We will wait until my next period and then call the clinic on cycle day one.(due to start Nov 28th-30th)
Then, I'll start taking my birth control.
This is when we'll go meet with Dr.Ego, and bring in our contract that was drawn up with Dr.Psych. I will also have my ultrasound etc with Dr.Ego, to make sure the old uterus is still clear for takeoff.
Carly is due for her period about 4-5 days after me.
Then she'll start her birth control.(approx Dec 4th)
I believe somewhere around the 20th of Dec is when we get our depot lupron shots? I'm a little foggy here, as this is different than my last two times cycling.
We'll stay on b/c pills until the week of Christmas.
At that time we will stop the b/c pills and have our periods again.
That should be around Dec 28-30thth.
Nurse Christy said she expects to see Carly in the office around January 2nd or 3rd for her baseline ultrasound and to start stims.
I'll go to the satellite office near me and have my baseline ultrasound at the same time, and start on my estrogen patches and pills to build my lining.
Cary has been through 7 IUIs and 5 IVF cycles, and she told me tonight on the phone that she has never stimmed for more than 8 days before she's ready. So egg retreival should be around the 10-12th of January.
She also said that she usually gets at least 20 eggs, last time they ended up with 17 fertilized, so instead of doing a 3 day transfer, Dr.Ego took them to a 5 day blast before putting them back.
I don't know if he'll do a 3 day transfer or a 5 day this time, but that puts our transfer around January 15th-18th, give or take a couple of days.

I am so excited!

My Mother

Oh, I could tell you stories about my mother.

Let me give you some background. She's 52 years old. She met a man on the internet around 1997 . He lived in Montana, she lived in Ontario, Canada. They dated for a while, visiting back and forth. She moved to Montana and married him around 2000?
(I forget what year they married.) I really like my Step-Dad. I'll call him Rob. She made a good choice.
My Step-Dad Rob has 3 children and two young grandchildren.


Now, I just got off the phone with my mother.
The conversation went something like this.

Mom says "Hi Honey, how are you doing?"

"I'm good, how are you?"

"Oh" she says, "I just called to tell you a funny story. Remember how when you had Kate I told you that I was never going to be a babysitter, or be a Grandma that stayed home and baked cookies? That I was going to be a Grandma that would be more likely to go roller skating with them when they got older?"

Me (guardedly) "Yeah..."

Mom " Well it was Maize's (step grandaughter's) 6th birthday and it was held at a roller rink. So, you know me, when she asked me if I would put on skates and skate with her, I did. Of course I was skating and snapping pictures and of course Rob was laughing at me. So I made a face at him over my shoulder and I ended up crashing to the floor. The roller rink girl , you know, the one with the whistle, skated over to me to see if I was ok. I told her yes, and that I didn't think anything was broken. But, I did hit the floor pretty hard.
The next day at work (my mom works for a nursing home) my left arm was really bothering me, so the people at work convinced me to have it x-rayed. Well, I did, and it turns out that I broke my arm!" (she laughs)
Then she says...
"I was upset because Daddy Rob and I had planned to go deer hunting this weekend coming up. I told the Dr. about our plans to go hunting, and since I shoot my rifle with my right hand, I asked him if I could please go. He said yes. So I can still go shoot a deer this weekend!"

My mother is insane.

Batshit crazy? The Dr. decides...

Carly just called.
The pychologist received our info from Sugar.
We were offered to go to her office this Sunday, the 13th, for our screening.
Or next Sunday, the 20th, at her office.
Or she will be at our RE's office on Mon, the 21st.
The psychologist's office is about 1 1/2 hours from us.
The REs's office is about 30 minutes from us.

Due to the fact that my husband has an NFL football game to attend this Sunday, we won't be able to make it to this Sunday's appt. My husband only gets the opportunity to attend a couple of games a year, and the tickets are already bought, and plans have been made for him and a friend to go together, for about a month.

You know I was bummed, when Carly told me of the offer to go this Sunday.
But she was good with the fact that Allen had previous plans, even stating that this Sunday may not be the best day for her and Ben either.

We talked about waiting until Dr.Psych comes to our REs office, because of how much less driving and time would be involved.
But that idea was nixed due to the fact that she teaches school, and for Ben it isn't a good day for him to take off of work. Allen has Monday's off of work, so it wasn't any problem for us. Also, Dr.Psych said she woudn't have as much time for us if we met her at the REs on the Monday. Carly told me that she wants to spend as much time as we need with Dr.Psych, so we can get everything accomplished that we need to in one shot, if possible.

We decided to go out to Dr.Psych's office next Sunday, the 20th.
Allen and I are driving to Carly and Ben's early in the morning.(they live about 40 minutes from our house.)
Then we'll drive with Carly and Ben to Dr.Psych's.
Dr.Psych also told Carly to go ahead and set up our appointment to see Dr.Ego. They work together, and that she would make sure our contract was finished quickly.
She said we could go ahead and start meds, if Dr.Ego was wanting us to, because she'd have our contracts done before a transfer. Wow.

So Carly is calling Dr.Ego's office tomorrow (they're closed now) and is setting up our consultation with him. Since he's out of town until the 14th, my guess is that they will fit us in later in the week, or early the next week. Probably have our appointment with Dr. Ego between the 15th and the 22nd.
Like I mentioned in my last post, Dr.Ego isn't the type to mess around. We could possibly catch this cycle, and have a transfer in Dec.
Holy.

That's all for now.

Conversations

So, I've talked to Carly about 4 or 5 times since we met. Every single phone call has been great. I've never, not once, felt uncomfortable or had any doubts about how we'll get along.
I'm seriously excited to start cycling. Carly and I both said that we have a very good feeling that we're going to get me pregnant. We know that they have good stuff to work with. That is, eggs and sperm. She has been working with our clinic for about 6 years now. Our clinic had gotten her pregnant 5 times. 3 times through IUI and 2 times through IVF.
Now, I know I'm tempting fate by even saying it. But I'm going to carry a healthy baby to term for them. Carly and I both know that it may not happen the first time. IVF is a crap shoot we know. Even with the best quality embryos, sometimes they just don't implant etc. But they're going to try again. Hopefully, we'll have enough embryos to freeze some from our first cycle- to try again if we need to. If not, she says we'll cycle again. She tells me, "Oh, we're going to get you pregnant girlfriend, don't you worry."
I LOVE her optimism. She's already told me to "be ready to do this again for us if it works."
In the surrogacy world we like to refer to this as a "Sibling Project."

Just for shits and giggles, here's my fantasy timeline.

Today is Wed Nov. 9th.
Psychologist receives our info from Sugar and calls me either today or tomorrow for an appt to be screened.
Appt for screening is set up for sometime between Nov11th and Nov 15th.
Screening gets done, and contract gets written up between parties.
Nov 14th Dr. Ego returns to office. (he's been away)
Nov 15th-20th We have a consultation with Dr. Ego.
Nov 23rd I have depot lupron shot. (the timing would be perfect)
Nov 30th would be cycle Day 1 (trust me, I'm like clockwork)
1st week of Dec Carly would start stim meds.
By Dec 15th at the latest Carly would have egg retreival.
By Dec 20th at the latest we'd have the transfer.
By New Years Eve we may know if it worked.

Now, I know that sounds far fetched, but let me tell you, with the last couple I worked with, since we had the same Dr as Carly and I have now, from the time Sally and I went to Dr.Ego for our first consultation, to the time of transfer, was only 5-6 weeks. Our second cycle was only 6 weeks as well.
It just so happens that Carly and I are only 4 days apart in our cycle right now naturally. It won't be any problem to sync us, I know that.
I also know that Dr. Ego doesn't play aroound. Once you're ready to get started, he gets started with the very next opportunity. That's what he did with Sally and I, and we were both new there.
With Carly and I, she has been with his clinic for years, and I've already had all of my preliminary stuff done, and cycled with them two times this year, and my records are right there. They've already got everything they need.
And it just so happens that right after he would see us (if we can see him the week of the 15th) is the point in my cycle I would have lupron started.

Ok- I know that it would be a stretch for everything to fall into place like that.

So my logical mind says there will be a little snag somewhere. The psychologist won't be able to see us for a week or two, and neither can Dr Ego.
That means we catch our next periods at the end of Dec, and transfer in Jan.
And if all goes haywire, we'll be transferring in Feb.

No matter what, it's going to be soon. I can't wait.

Things are good

Nothing much has happened progress-wise since I met Carly and Ben. Sugar sent our info to the psychologist and now we're just waiting for the psychologist to call us. She's going to set up an appointment for the four of us to be screened ,and make sure we aren't bat shit crazy. Then we will have our contract drawn up and then we'll meet with Dr.Ego (our RE). We should be starting to cycle by Dec. I'm going to go out on a limb here, and say that we'll have a January transfer. For sure by February.
More soon.

The Meeting - part four

I remember Sugar telling her that we were down in the restaurant.

Things get even hazier and more sped up from here.
I have little flashes of moments or scenes, but not a full recollection of what happened.

I remember seeing Carly come through the restaurant door.
I remember feeling a quick wave of comfortableness ( is that a word?) because she was smiling and laughing about something.
I remember Sugar asking where Ben was and her saying something about Ben being in the lobby with the valet, or still outside waiting for the valet to finish...
I remember being introduced to her and I started to shake her hand and then I ended up saying something like "let me give you a hug too" and hugging her.
I remember thinking that she was so much prettier in person than in her photo.

I'm pretty sure she was introduced to Allen.
Then Allen excused himself as he had yet to load our belongings into the car, and check out.

Seconds later Ben arrived. We were introduced to each other? by who? I don't know, and with him there was a quick handshake and then he pulled me in for a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I was nicely surprised by that, and it made me feel even more comfortable. The three of us stood there making chit chat for a couple of minutes. The only thing I can remember saying was something to Ben about how he and Allen must have just passed each other in the hallway.
Allen has us checked out and our luggage loaded into the car in no time. It felt like 2 minutes and he was back. He was introduced to Ben, and Sugar asked Allen if he had met Carly? Umm yeah, just 5 minutes ago...
I guess she was flustered too.

We were seated at a long rectangle table that seated 6. I remember Sugar ordering Carly and I to sit "across" from one another. I guess so we could talk directly to each other. I had planned on it anyway. Carly and I sat on the end of the table across from one another. Allen sat to my left and across the table from Ben. Sugar sat on Carly and Ben's side of the table, at the end, across from the empty seat.
The waitress brought us menus, and I had no idea what to order. My stomach did not feel like eating, but I knew I had to order something.
They still had the breakfast menu which was OK with me, but everyone else wanted lunch. Carly asked the waitress if they could have lunch instead and the waitress looked at her watch and said yes, lunch would be ok too.
I decided on whole wheat pancakes, with fresh apple compote and lowfat vanilla yogurt. Allen decided to have breakfast instead of lunch, ordering eggs, toast, etc.
Sugar changed her mind also, and had the same as I did.
Carly had soup and a mushroom ravioli dish, Ben had a salad and some yummy looking pasta dish.

When Carly's soup and Ben's salad came Sugar prompted us to talk about ourselves. She asked Allen to tell them about what he did for a living etc.
She asked me to share why I wanted to become a surrogate and a little about the last couple I worked with.

When our breakfasts came we ate while Carly and Ben talked about what they do for a living and why they need a surrogate. Carly told me her medical history and how she came to be referred to Sugar's agency. She told me about the babies they lost. One at 5 months, a girl they named Gabrielle. The second was a baby boy at 4 1/2 months. The third and fourth losses happened at 8 weeks. Their last loss was boy/girl twins. Elizabeth and Conrad at 24 weeks. (some of this was shared with me last night when we talked on the phone)

We talked about the Dr's at our clinic, since we both have the same one. We talked about the different RE's and their personalities.
We talked about our families.
I don't remember much of what was said by Sugar, Allen or Ben. I think there was two seperate conversations going by this time. One at their end of the table, and one at ours. I remember being totally absorbed in talking with Carly.
She is such a vibrant person. I could have stayed and talked with her for hours more.
I remember a lot of reaching across the table and touching/hitting each others hands or arms. During a shared laugh or moment of something one of us said and the other would say "Yes!" or "I feel the same way!"
I remember talking about Allen and she kept saying "Oh my gosh, him and Ben have so much in common!" and "Ben, he's just like you!"
I remember at one point she said "I just love you already!" and I said something like "Me too!"

Lunch was finishing up when Sugar said " So, can we all assume that we're going to work together?" By this time it was a no brainer that everyone had hit it off fabulously.
I think I answered first with "I'm 100% comfortable enough to say right now that I'd like to" and Carly said some thing like "Absolutely, are you kidding me?"

The Sugar got out "the list" and we made quick work of that. Sugar made notes to be sent with the basic compensation list to send off to the lawyer to help draw up our contract. Carly and I shared contact information. Email addys, phone numbers etc.
The guys took off so Allen could have a smoke over in the sports bar.
Sugar shared her book of sucessful matches and babies born to her agency with Carly.
We left the restaurant, grabbed the guys from in front of the sports bar and the three of us gals used the restroom. It was going to be a long ride back to our home state for Carly, Ben, Allen and I.
The valet pulled our cars up and we said our good-byes.

Allen commented in the car on our way home that he was amazed at her positive outlook considering how much loss they have been through.
We talked about how they are so much like us.
She is a spitfire, full of passion and emotion. She runs the ship.
He is more laid back. Supporting her choices, going along for the ride because he loves her.

I was so happy to have met them. I was so excited to begin the process again.
Carly and Ben are superb people and they will make wonderful parents.
I want us to have success.

The Meeting - part three

I walked through the lobby and looked for Sugar. There were about 10 people down there. None of them looked like they were waiting for me. There were a couple people standing talking to each other. There were a few people at the registration desk. There was a lady checking out the jewellery display. Hmm. The lady at the display had her back to me and she was carrying what looked like a couple of briefcase type bags. I decided to walk past her and say Sugars name, to see if it was her.
I walked past and in a casual voice I said "Sugar?"
The lady never turned and I smoothly kept walking.
Well. I stopped near the registration desk and looked around, starting to feel a little silly. Where was she? I scanned the entire area and decided that the only person in the area that could be Sugar was the lady in front of the jewellery. I tried again. I started walking back towards her, when she turned around and saw me approaching. "Sugar?" I asked. "Hiiiiiii" she said. We shook hands and she told me that Carly and Ben would be there in about 45 more minutes. We decided to go to one of the restaurants located on the lobby floor.
We sat at an empty bar area, while a waitress set up a table for the 5 of us.

From here things get a little sketchy, as I was quite nervous and excited. I think my brain kind of shut down as things speeded up.

She kept telling me how "cute" and "pretty" I was. I kept thanking her and telling her how nervous and sweaty palmed I was.
She told me that if I didn't feel right about working with Carly and Ben, not to worry, that she thought all of her waiting couples would be happy to work with me.
She kept reaching out and touching my left arm as she spoke to me.
I sipped on my ice water and willed myself to relax and tried to pay attention to her chatter.
We went over my list of fees. She talked to me about a couple of things that Carly mentioned she was unsure about. Things that could maybe be negotiated? I assured Sugar that I was flexible. She seemed relieved. They had to do with childcare costs and my husbands wages. Two things that I did not mind bending on.
She took out a photo album and showed me her agency's success stories. Each page had the couple's picture, their baby's picture and their surrogate's picture. It was almost full. I remember telling her to save us a page.
About 30 minutes had passed, and I decided to call Allen and see how things were going and tell him exactly where we were at. There are three restaurants in the hotel lobby- I didn't want him to search for us.
I called him and Sugar went to use the restroom.
She returned and he showed up a minute after.
I introduced them and the three of us chatted for about 2 minutes.
Then Sugar's phone rang and it was Carly.
They had arrived at the hotel.

The Meeting - part two

My eyes bugged out of my head.

What the heck was she doing in the lobby already? Why didn't she call me to say she was on her way? AAAGGH.
I told her that I was just finishing getting ready and that I'd be down in 5 minutes.
"Ok, no hurry" she told me. Ha. If only she knew.

Allen had just got out of the shower and was standing in the bathroom doorway dripping wet. I told him to get a move on it, that Sugar was in the lobby. He wasn't too happy. I told him that she said "no, hurry" and he said, "I didn't plan on it." I asked him to pack up our stuff and stow it in the car and meet me downstairs after he was ready.
He agreed and turned on the blow dryer.
I got an adreneline rush and my hands started to shake.
I hastily did my makeup. Coverup, eyeshadow, lipstick, mascara. 2 minutes total.
I shakily put on the matching cross necklace and earrings that my sisiter-in-law had bought me for good luck that day. As I was putting on the second earring I noticed that I was missing the back. I panicked just a little. Allen shut off the blow dryer and reassured me as he checked the carpet around my feet. "It's ok, it's alright, don't worry, I'll find it."
This only lasted about a minute. I found the missing back. It was on my other ear. In my nervous rush, I had put both earring backs on the first earring I put in.
OK then.

I grabbed my purse and my folder of important papers. With a quick kiss from Allen, I headed out the door to the elevator. On my way to the lobby I realized something.

I didn't know what Sugar looked like, and she never told me what she was wearing.

The Meeting - part 1

I'll tell you what I remember from our meeting Sunday morning.

Allen and I woke up and spent about an hour lazing around the hotel room.
I hopped in the shower. They have the best water pressure EVER at the H1lt0n, I almost drowned it was that good.
I blow dried my hair and decided to clip it up in back. With a couple of curls from the curling iron it was done and looked good on the first try. Miracle!
I got dressed, in a grey and black flecked knitted sweater and loose black casual pants for those of you who care about what I decided to wear.

At that point I decided to call Sugar, to see when she would arrive.

I have to mention that Sugar had called the hotel the night before to see if we had arrived and if we liked our room. Yes we had, and yes we did I assured her.
Sugar had also told me that there was a change of plans. Carly and Ben would be driving in, instead of flying. I guess that when Carly went to book the flights the day after we decided which day to meet, the cost had doubled. Since they also live about 5 hours from Big City, they decided to drive.
Sugar told me that she would come a little early so we could meet-as I hadn't met her yet- and talk until Carly and Ben arrived.

I dialed Sugar's house and her husband informed me that she was on her way, and had been for quite some time. Yikes. I knew that she only lived about an hour away from the hotel.
Allen was just stepping out of the shower, I didn't have any makeup on, and our room needed to be packed up. Checkout was at noon and we would be busy meeting and having lunch at that time.
How close was she? I called her cell phone. "Good morning!" I said when she answered.
"Hi dear!" she replied. "I'm in the lobby!"

Oh crap.

To be continued.

Overwhelming and Wonderful

I'm spent. The trip was both overwhelming and wonderful. It was more than I hoped for. Sugar was very warm and quirky, just as I suspected. Carly was pretty, friendly, funny, sweet and more than I expected. Ben seemed just as great, although he and I didn't get to talk much. He and my husband hit it off and they talked to each other while Carly and I ran off at the mouths.
Our lunch lasted 3 hours.
I am really really happy, and really really tired.
More tomorrow and yes, we've already decided to work together.
Our first meeting was that great.
What a whirlwind two days.

It's time to meet!

We'll be leaving for the Big City that I've never been to, in about an hour. My stomach is flipping around like there's a lake trout in there. We won't meet Carly Ben and Sugar until tomorrow morning but our adventure is about to begin. Wish me luck please. I'd love to see who's been coming by. Won't you say hi?
I'll post again Sunday night or Monday morning. I should have a lot to tell you!

Random thoughts

Last night I had a hard time falling asleep. I layed awake for about an hour, getting more and more nervous at the thought of meeting Carly, Ben and Sugar next weekend.

Here is the unedited version of what's been going through my mind lately.

What am I going to wear? What says "I'm warm, approachable, trustworthy, and capable of caring for your child in my body for 9 months?"

What if they don't like me?

What if conversation is stilted or uncomfortable? I hate when that happens.

What should I order for lunch? It's going to be hard to eat and discuss something so personal, so important...and I'm supposed to eat during this conversation?

What if I don't like them? I really want to like them...but what if I don't? I have a hard time letting people down. (not that we have to decide at lunch)

I'm really, really not looking forward to Sugar getting out "the list" and discussing a run down of fees and expenses. This is one of the major reasons I went with an agency for surrogacy attempt #2. I thought that the agency went over the related costs with the couple on their own. NOT over lunch with me present. If I wanted to discuss compensation with the couple, I would have gone independant again. I'm really bothered about this one.

Hair? My hair requires a lot of fussing to look decent, and when I'm nervous may turn out a wreck. I'm really a pony tail/ballcap kind of girl. A ballcap probably isn't the best look for a first meeting. What the heck am I going to do with my hair?

How do I keep from looking and sounding nervous? There is no doubt that I will be, my voice gets this little shake to it, and sometimes my hands shake too. I don't want them to think that I'm a complete wackjob. Meeting people for the first time is always a little nervewracking for me.

Is my husband going to be his charming self or his introverted self? It could go either way. He is either completely charming and sweet and funny, or he is a total hermit crab withdrawing into himself. My husband is a fantastic guy, but sometimes he clams up, which makes him seem distant and hard to read. I really want them to know that he is 100% supportive, and I want them to like him. I just hope he is comfortable enough to show them his warm, sweet self.

I could go on and on. Needless to say, I bet the meeting will turn out just fine. It's the waiting that makes my mind go crazy. I'm getting nervous!

Passing time- Updated with answers

Well, there's nothing going on over here. I'm just waiting until next Saturday when we leave for Big City. I'd love to have something to write about, but I've got nothin' for ya. How about this? You guys are free to ask anything you like, and I'll do my best to answer it. I can't promise the most exciting answers, but if I answer I'll be honest. I'm a very open person. Ask about surrogacy or anything else for that matter.

Ok, Questions # 1, 2, 3 and 4 come from Cat. Thanks for asking some questions and not leaving me hanging!

Question# 1

What are your biggest hopes and your biggest fears about surrogacy?

My biggest hope is comprised of a few things. To achieve and complete a healthy pregnancy first and foremost. My dissappointment from Surrogacy attempt #1 (Jan-May of this year) has left me with a very strong desire to conquer IVF. I want another shot. I know how invested Sally, Don and myself were. We wanted it to work so damn bad. I hated seeing them dissappointed and leaving them with their dream of a child unfulfilled was terribly hard for me. I want to make someone a Mother- and a Dad! My very biggest hope is to beat the odds.

The rest of what I want is icing on the cake. I think that will be covered under your question concerning the relationship I hope to have with the baby's parents.

My biggest fear. Oh God. There are a few.
Not achieve pregnancy after multiple cycles.
Achieve a pregnancy and miscarry, or it doesn't progress normally etc. God, I don't want to have any more heartbreak happen for the couple I am carrying for.
For the couple to treat me like a paid employee.
For them to cut me out of their life after their child arrives.
For people in my life to disrespect what I am doing. (although most of my immediate family know about me pursuing surrogacy and every single person I've told thinks it's wonderful.)

Question #2.

Do you hope to have a long-term relationship with the parents and the child?

Absolutely, although I know it doesn't always work out this way. (one of my fears)
In my application information, this is something that you write about. This is one area that the agency uses to match you with a couple. They ask about the amount of contact you'd prefer during your cycling/pregnancy and about contact after the birth.
I wrote that what I would expect in terms of contact during the process is a lot/often. I enjoy talking on the phone and emailing, and daily contact would be great. Along with the parents being physically present for as many Drs appts as they'd wish, or are able to attend if I become pregnant.
After the birth I wrote that I'd expect to be treated as any friend or extended family member. If they're sending out a mass email to their friends and family with a picture of the baby eating their first solid food, or first steps- please include me! They don't need to call me any certain amount, or invite me to Sunday dinner- but please don't cut me out of your life like I never existed. Even in Gestational Surrogacy, you'd be surprised how many couples refuse to acknowledge their surrogate once the baby is placed in their arms. Promises to remain in contact vanish, along with updates on the new family and child. It is very hurtful to the surro, and I will go so far as to say disrespectful in my mind. ( unless "no-contact" was specified between the parties during the contract phase)
Maybe every few months, or a couple of times a year, give me call just to say "Hi".
Ask how my family and I are doing. Let me know how you guys are doing. Just like you would a friend that you don't get to see often. Basically, I want to be a lifelong friend of the family. I'll be proud of what we did, and hopefully the parents will be too.

As for my relationship with the child. Wow. That's almost surreal to think about.
The best way I can explain it is like this.
I want to be thought of as someone who did something special for them. Like a kidney donor.
They're not indebted to me in any way, I'm just a person out there who did something special for them because I wanted to. Their parents needed help to bring them into this world, and I was there to give it to them. I just hope that they think that I'm pretty cool.
A big hug someday would be the ultimate.
Ok I'm crying now. Thanks Cat.

Question #3

Do you know anyone who's done this before?

No, but I frequent a couple of great surrogate mom boards and I think of those ladies as friends just like you guys. My heart is invested in their lives/stories.

Question#4

Did you have really easy pregnancies yourself?

Yes, I really did.
Pregnant first month trying with both of my children, full term healthy babies.
First child, girl, 1992, 9 hour labour, no meds , vaginal delivery, 8lbs 9 oz.
Second child, boy, 1997, induction, 12 hour labour, epidural in the 11th hour, born 20 minutes later, vag delivery, 7lbs 2 oz.

Great questions Cat. Thank you so much for asking.

Aaaaand they're off!

We're off and running.

In the last 3 hours:

I've talked with Sugar probably 4 or 5 times.
We set the 30th as the date to meet.
I called my husband and we decided to drive in Saturday night and stay at a nearby hotel.
Sugar called Carly and told her to go ahead and book the 9am flight.
Sugar and I discussed hotels for my husband and I, and she said she'd call me back.
She called me back to say that she booked us a room at the Hilton in the airport, and that she was paying for our room. Also, I need to go to Yah00 maps and send her the directions with the distance in miles roundtrip. She's covering our milage as well, and will give us a check when we meet.
I called my husband at work, and he took the 29th off of work.
Sugar called again and asked me to make a master list for her with all of my "fees".
The list will make it easy for her. She told me that we'll be discussing the costs of this surrogacy with Carly and Ben during lunch. I'm not looking forward to that part.
I'm very fair and average in what I'm asking, but, it's still uncomfortable for me to discuss money.

I'm probably forgetting something.

AYIEEEE! 12 days and counting.

Attack of the nerves

Things just never go how you expect them. I've been patiently waiting to get Carly and Ben's picture in the mail, yes? Sugar told me that she wanted me to have ALL of the info (including the picture) before I make my decision about working with them. She told me yesterday when we talked, that she did indeed mail out the photo on Saturday, and I should have it by Tuesday.

I woke up this morning anticipating the mail. I was then planning on calling Sugar and setting up a day for everyone to meet. While TJ ate his breakfast, I check my voicemail. Low and behold there was a message from Sugar.
" Hi, this is Sugar. I spoke with Carly and Ben, and they want to know if you could meet them on Sunday Oct 30th. They're planning on flying in to (airport) around 9am and I'm going to pick them up. So maybe we could meet somewhere in the area around 10:30 or 11am for breakfast... or is that too early for you to make it? They're so excited to meet you. Give me a call and let me know. Bye."

I was so surprised I had to play the message twice. here's what went through my mind as I listened.
1. What the? Why is Sugar calling me?
2. Sugar, you said I couldn't set up a meeting until I saw their picture?
3. Yay! they want to meet!
4. Oct 30th? Agh! That's my daughter's 13th birthday. sigh.
5. How the heck are we supposed to make a 4 1/2 - 5 hour drive by 10:30 or 11am? Get up at 4am?
6. Yay! They want to meet!

I called Sugar and left her a message. I'm waiting for her to call me back.
I think if I can get them to make it a lunch meeting (12ish) that would be good.
We'll see what happens.

Quickie

I received the fax at 10pm.
The picture of Carly and Ben was completely black. (no big deal)
Sugar is sending picture by mail, in the morning.
She wants me to look at their info over the weekend, and when I get their photo early next week, I'm suppsed to call her and let her know if I'd like to set up a day to meet with Carly, Ben and her. Of course, I'm going to set up a meeting no matter what they look like in their photo.
So, as soon as I get the picture next week, a date will be set to meet. Exciting!
It's been a long day for me, I'm heading to bed.
P.S. I learned about 3 or 4 new things in the sneek peek. Most of it I've already ferreted out of Sugar over the last few weeks. ( names, ages, occupations,location, hobbies, reason for pursuing surrogacy, religion, etc) But I needed to get this to be able to take the next step. That's why I was so eager to get this formality out of the way.

Tonight's the night

Well alright! Finally! I called Sugar this morning at 10am and she answered the phone. She reiterated that she had their consent, their check and that they were very excited about me getting to see their profile and picture. Sugar told me that Carly said "we're not movie stars (as in their looks) I hope she doesn't mind!" That made me laugh. Sugar said she told them that I'm not that kind of person, and that I won't judge them based on their looks. How silly is that? I guess they are just as nervous and excited and unsure as I am! (You were right Lynette!)
So, then Sugar says "I'll get this out to you right away" and I reminded her that she was going to FAX me the information pages and picture. "Oh, right!" she said. " But the picture might not come out so well over the fax, it will probably be too dark" she hedged.
"I don't care what they look like Sugar" I said, " Just send the information you have. I'm not going to judge them on their picture anyway. I just want to read their answers to the sneek peek questions ( 3 pages or so) and I plan on setting up an in person meeting no matter what. That's what I'll base this match on. I need to meet them in person."
I mean come on. I already know why they're pursuing surrogacy, their ages, where they live. I know that they've already seen my picture, all about me and my family, my feelings on IVF, surrogacy, my compensation... what could I see in their profile that would stop me from wanting to at least meet them? I would hope to God that there aren't people out there that would base working together on the other person's looks. (and I don't mean health, I mean looks)
Surrogate or couple.
Anyway, Sugar said that she is going to be in meetings all day again today, out of the office, but she will send me the stuff by fax " as soon as I get in the door tonight, sometime after 7 or so."
So that's the word.
More tonight!

Crap

I missed her call. I went to check out a new kickboxing class. My daughter called me on my cell and said "Sugar called, she wants you to to call her on her cell tomorrow." (probably thinking I wouldn't be home for a while) I was only 10 minutes from home, so I called her cell as soon as I got in the door. No answer, so I left her a message that said if she wanted to call me, I'd be up until 11. I doubt I'll hear from her again tonight. Crap.

Waiting...

Here's what's new. Yesterday, (Wed) I hadn't heard anything from Sugar. Since she told me it would be Tuesday or Wednesday that I should get to see the sneek peek info, I didn't think it would be bothersome of me to call. I waited until 8:30pm. (she's called me as late as 10pm)
There was no answer. I left her a message.
" Hi Sugar, I was just wondering how things were going, and if you had received Carly's mail yet. (as in- you said you'd fax the stuff to me once you got the consent and you know, a few thousand dollars from them to get started) I'm heading to the gym, but if you could call and leave me an update on what's happening I'd appreciate it." or something to that effect.
When I got home from the gym at 10pm there was indeed a message from Sugar that said " Hi, yes, I just got their mail today. Everything is good, and I'll be out of the office tomorrow all day, but I'll call you when I get in. (her office is out of her home)
Ok. So.
This means that she should be calling anytime now. It's almost 8pm. We'll see.
I hate waiting. Could she just send me the fax already?
More when I know more.

Moving right along

They like me! They really, really like me!

I just got a phone call from Sugar. She was calling to let me know that Carly had called her and said that her and Ben had definitely decided to use Sugar's agency, that their enrollment check was in the mail along with their consent form, and that Sugar should receive it sometime Monday or Tuesday. Sugar also told me that Carly and her husband wanted me to know that they really liked me, they thought I sounded sweet and was pretty. They want me to wait for them, and please give them consideration first. I said "what?" when Sugar told me that. "Yep" she said, "I sent them your sneek peek information and your picture when I mailed their consent form. They think you're adorable."
(Now I don't know if those are their words or Sugar's, but that's what she said.)
By the way, the sneek peek info has my picture, my stats like height, weight, age, location, marital status, how many children you've had, ethnic background, religion, compensation, my feelings on IVF procedures like selective reduction, the amount of embryos that you're comfortable transferring etc, the amount of contact during pregnancy you desire, and you are asked to write a letter to the prospective intended parents. So you can see that it is a little nerve racking knowing that a couple is reading about you and trying to decide if you'll be a suitable match to carry their child. Of course I take this as the highest compliment you could give someone. To entrust your child to another person's care 100%.
I was very happy to hear that they want me to look at their sneek peek info (not sure what they had to fill out) because they liked what they saw in me, and that we may be a potential match. I should get the info by Tuesday or Wednesday next week. If I'm also interested in them, I call Sugar and let her know. The next step will be for us to meet. Wow. Things are moving right along.

Now, I just noticed that I had a comment from Thalia, asking me what drew me to surrogacy. Since this journal is so new, I haven't really touched on it yet.
It basically comes down to this.
I first considered it when I was 27. I had read about gestational surrogacy, and it struck a chord within my heart. I thought, "what an incredible thing to do." I knew that it was something that would be fulfilling to me as a person. I knew it would be something that I would be wonderful at. I am a very open person, I love to talk and share with other people. I really enjoyed my pregnancies. I had already given birth to my two children, and knew that I was finished with building my family. My husband is a wonderful guy that didn't bat an eyelash when I told him about it. I think his reply was something like "Yeah, that sounds like something you would do." I started researching surrogacy and how to become one.
I learned that the state in which I reside is not a "surrogacy friendly" state. It popped my bubble. I looked around for quite some time, but couldn't figure out a way to make it happen in my state. I thought I would have to put it on a shelf until maybe a time when I didn't live here, or the laws changed in my area.
Last year something happened to a friend of mine online and she was going to look into gestational surrogacy. Once again, my interest was fueled. I started digging in deeper. I found some surrogacy message boards and I started asking questions. I found that with the right help, anything was possible. I offered surrogacy to my friend, and learned that she had already found a surrogate. But I was really wanting to do this. I decided to post an independant advertisemnet on SMO. I got many replies. I ended up in contact with a couple that lived only 40 minutes from me. We sent a few emails, and then decided to talk on the phone. We got along great on the phone and decided to meet. We met the first week on January this year, by February we had a contract and were cycling. In March' 05 ( I'll call her Sally) had her retrieval, and affter being on high doses of stim meds for 22 days, they retieved ONE degenerated egg. We were all devastated. No eggs to fertilize= no embryos=no transfer. They decided to do another cycle. By the way, they had no IVF coverage, this was all out of pocket to them.
Cycle two. May '05
Highest doses of stims our clinic allows for 19 days for Sally. Her E2 just wouldn't rise. Retrieval resulted in 4 eggs. 2 immature, two mature. Both fertilized, both transferred. Neither took. Was it a embryo quality issue after being on 900 units of Gonal F plus Repronex for that long? Probably.
Sally and Don were crushed, as was I. I went so far as to offer Traditional Surrogacy to them. (after talking to my husband of course)
We had grown very close in the 5 months we'd been together. Sally was willing, happy even, to consider it. Don on the other hand told her he just wasn't happy with the idea. He was very set on having their child be biologically related to both of them. Sally was quite sad, as they were no longer able to continue cycling due to the lack of coverage.
Sally and I still email, and she says she hope that I continue on the surrogacy path and that I have a success story one day. God, I wish it would have worked for them.
As you know, IVF is hard to let go of. Once it has it's claws in you you'll do it again and again, if financially possible, to get that postive outcome. I refuse to give up. Going to all of the monitoring appts, taking all the pills and patches and taking all the shots in the ass is hard, but getting that negative is MUCH harder. I want to help another woman achieve motherhood more than anything. I decided to continue on.
In June I decided to enroll with an agency. Doing all the legwork is tiring, and this time I wanted someone else to do the screening of a couple, and all of the legalwork for me. I had all of my required paperwork (and BOY is there a TON of it) completed and sent to the agency of my choice in August. My story picks up in my journal from there.
I hope this answers your question Thalia. Please ignore all spelling mistakes, I've got to go help TJ with a science kit. No time for editing. Nite guys.

Fax me baby

I couldn't wait for her to call me today. I called Sugar this afternoon. I called her under the guise of "I just wanted to make sure you received the fax I sent you with my health card" etc. Yes, she's got everything she needs now. Then she proceeded to tell me that she had the phone consultation with Carly and Ben last night. (score- that's the info I was really calling for! *grin*) They plan to enroll with her agency. Sugar said she is mailing them their consent forms tomorrow. (Oct 6th) Then, as soon as Carly and Ben send in their "enrollment fee", and fax their signed consent form, Sugar will send me their sneek peek. I went ahead and asked her if she would just fax me their info once she was ready, instead of mailing it. "Absolutely." was her answer. So, that's the newest news.

I finished the second coat of "Laurel Leaf" in living room. It looks wonderful. Allen and I bought new trim to put up around the ceiling, and he painted it white. Tomorrow night he and the neighbour are going to put it up. Then I start the kitchen. Whew. Lots of work, but it is SO worth it.

All work and no play

For the last two days I've been prepping and painting. My living room is going from a grimy white to a sagey green. How I love this new colour. My kitchen is going from white to yellow. I have brand new white cabinets. The cabinets are going to look fabulous against the newly painted walls. I'm not finished in either room yet. The living room needs a second coat of paint and the new trim put up. The kitchen hasn't been started. (minus the prep work and I painted a test area)
I may post pictures when it's finished.

On the surrogacy front-
Sugar never called after her phone consultation with the potential couple last night. She told me to call her, or she would call me. So, I called. And left her a message. I do expect her to call today. I'm thinking of asking her to fax me the sneek peek info when she's ready, instead of mailing it. It's only 3 pages long plus a picture or two. Think she'll do it? Or should I ask? It's a minor thing but I don't want to bug. I'm just getting excited. IVF and surrogacy is such a hurry up and wait game. You're constantly waiting for something. It's definitely difficult if you are a person who likes to dive in and get things going like me. Plus, I'm so ready to do this again. I have all my ducks in a row, and now it seems I'm just waiting on everyone else. I just want it to work this time. Isn't that the IVF mantra for repeat offenders? "I just want it to work this time."

Another step forward

Sugar called me this morning with some more information. She set up the phone consult between herself and the parents for Tuesday. They are thrilled to hear that I live less than an hour from them. I also found out that she has her Masters degree in Math. The father-to-be is in a sports related field. He is 42. They were also surprised and happy to hear that I share their RE. I know both of their first names now. I will call her Carly and him Ben.
Sugar said either I can call her or she will call me Tuesday night after their phone consultation. As soon as they send Sugar their retainer, we will be setting up a day to meet. Things are moving now. I'm so excited.

Hmmm.

I can't seem to get the comments running on my last post. Why is that? I have the comments enabled... I'm adding this post to see what happens.

~EDITED TO ADD~

Well now they're working on this post. Weird. Maybe I somehow disabled them on that last one? *shrug*. Either I don't know what I'm doing, or Blogger is a freak. Either could easily be true. Glad it's fixed.

I was right

Yesterday I got to thinking. I wanted to check with Sugar and see if she was indeed going to mail the IPs sneek peek to me. Well the answer was no. She kind of laughed when I asked her, like I was some sort of idiot. "Oh noooo" she said (small giggle). "Once I get their information I look it over and then schedule a phone consult with them, they aren't even a part of my program yet."
Well duh. I knew that. But when I asked her the day before, WHEN would I get to see a sneek peek profile and pictures she specifically said "The IM told me that she is overnighting their paperwork to me today. I'll have it tomorrow. Then I'll make copies of their pictures and sneek peek profile and send it to you. So, 2 days. Isn't that exciting?"
Am I missing something? Now she's saying that once she calls and schedules a phone consultation, has the consultation, signs them up ( gets $), sends them MY sneek peek with pictures and they like me, THEN she will mail me some information. Jeebus lady. Of course this makes total sense to me, but that's NOT what she told me. She also told me back on September 11th that she was sending them my info! I inquired about that yesterday too. Same response. No, she doesn't send out my info until they are a part of her program. Again, not what she said back on the 11th. When I said Sugar was a little flighty, I wasn't kidding.
I asked her how long all of that should take. A week? Two? More? She said it will only be a week before I get to see their sneek peek profile. "Maybe sooner!" she said. We'll see.
So then I wrangled some more information out of her.
The IM is 39. I don't know her husband's age. They have suffered 5 pregnancy losses, one at 6 or 7 months. I found out the city that they live in. It is NOT the original city that Sugar thought they lived in, which was 2 hours from me. It is much closer, only 50 minutes from where I live. If this match works out, this couple will be able to be a part of everything that they want to be! How great is that?

News!

I have news!. Sugar called me tonight. The IM (intended mother) called her tonight. The IM has overnighted Sugar all of their paperwork. Sugar told me that the IM is very excited about me taking a look at their sneek peek profile and pictures. I'm excited to get them! Sugar told me that after she receives the information tomorrow, she will then mail it to me. She told me that I'll have it in two days. How that's possible I'm not sure. Since she won't be getting it until tomorrow, hmmm. I'm pretty sure she won't be overnighting it to me. We'll see. I expect her to priority mail it and my guess is that I'll get it Friday. You heard it here first.
Another bit I'm very excited about, that Sugar mentioned to me tonight, is that the clinic that this couple has been working with is MY clinic. The one that I've already done 2 cycles and 1 transfer with this year. Not only that, in a clinic with six REs and seven locations, we have the same one. RE that is. Freaky. I'm thrilled because this means that I won't have to travel for the transfer, and I already know the staff, and one of their locations is only 10 minutes from me.
Sugar also told me the area code that this couple lives in, and it is closer than the area she originally told me.
I'm so ready to pursue this again. I hope this is the right couple for me.

Heavy hearted

I don't even want to type this, but I have to get it out. My favourite uncle on my mother's side has cancer. Stage four cancer. He has it in his throat, one lung and his voice box. He is 51 years old. He has a wife and three grown, but young, daughters. He has 2 grandchildren. I love my Uncle M so much. My tears are falling now, for the first time since my mother called and broke the news to me yesterday. Dammit. I can't bring myself to type any more about this. I will just copy and paste part of an email that was sent to me.

~He has a form of lung cancer that is very aggressive. It is involving his pulmonary artery and the Dr. said that due to location, size etc in his left lung, it is not operable. He said that it is treatable but not curable. The form of treatment will be chemotherapy. He is referring M to the cancer clinic now. The lump in his lymph gland in his neck is definitely cancerous and there is a lump in a lymph gland in his abdomen that is questionable. There is also a lump in his kidney that they think is just a cyst. So in a nutshell, things do not look promising. The best we can hope for at this time is a remission following chemo. I'm sorry for being so blunt but I wanted you both to know the details the way C told them to me. Keep him in your prayers.~

This comes on the heels of finding out that my favourite Uncle on my Dad's side of the family ( my Godmother's husband) has a cancerous tumour on his brain stem. He is 50 years old, with a wife, 2 daughters and 2 grandchildren. It is also inoperable, and this uncle has just completed his chemo. He has been given a 50/50 chance of making past one year, and his odds go down from there, with the Dr's giving him less than five years. My mother told me yesterday that the Dr's have said there is nothing else they can do for him now but make him comfortable. I think I'm going to be sick.

One more thing. My loving best friend of 10 years, our dog, had some lumps removed off of him 4 months ago. We paid $500 for the surgery, but didn't have the extra money to have the lumps biopsied. At the time we just paid to have them removed, and just hoped for the best. In the last 4 months, he has grown one of the lumps back, it is softball sized and hard, under his armpit. He has grown 2 small grape sized ones on his side. Another one grew from nothing to baseball sized hanging off the front of his leg. We took him to the vets, and guess what? Since we don't have $500-$1,000 to do another surgery again, and then have these biopsied, we had to let the vet take his best guess as to what was going on. He knows our dog's history, he did our dog's surgery 4 months ago. The vet shook his head and sighed as he palpitated them. Long story short, his best guess was cancer. For now our dog is acting normally, but it doesn't look good.

I HATE YOU FUCKING CANCER.

Sugar

The owner of the agency called me yesterday. I need to give her a moniker. How about Sugar? Her voice is so little girly, sugary sweet when she talks to you. It's hard to tell if it's fake or not. You still can't help but like her. Even if she is also a tad flighty.
Well, yesterday I recieved a call from her, asking me for the 100th time if they had received my clearance letter from my Ob yet. I assured her that yes, they had it, it took her all of 5 seconds to locate it in my file.
"Well," she chirped "I may have found you a match already!"
She proceeded to tell me about a lady that has suffered ( if i remember this correctly) 4 or 5 late term pregnancy losses. One was a set of twins. Her Dr's had first diagnosed her with an incompetant cervix for the first couple of losses, then something else. With her latest loss they have decided it is an immune disorder. How heartbreaking. I can't even imagine. Her Dr's have suggested that she find a surrogate now.
Sugar told me that this lady sounds very warm and that she is a college professor. The other great thing is that the Professor and her husband live 2 hours from me. Sugar told the Professor a little about me, and the Professor was excited and told Sugar, to tell me to please wait until I have a look at her and her husband before I decide on another couple.
Sugar asked me if I would be interested in this couple, and if I minded her mailing them my pictures and my "sneak peek" packet of info this week. I agreed. If Professor and her husband like my profile, then I should recieve their profile and pictures to look over in about 2 weeks. Maybe less.
It's a funny feeling, knowing that people are looking at your picture, reading the answers in your information packet and the letter that you wrote to potential intended parents. I wonder what they're looking for and if they are excited or bored when they read about me.
Looks like things are about to get interesting.

Good, Bad, Ugly

The Good:

Our vacation was wonderful. The best we've had this year. we took the kids out in the boat, and they both caught Northern pike. Boy were they excited. We had the most delicious fish fry dinner. TJ and Kate spent hours wandering the edge of the river catching tadpoles and frogs. Once they even caught a tiny a tiny bass, with their net. It was smaller than the size of my thumb. So neat.

The Bad:

On our way home I called my boss to see how things were going. He told me that we lost our biggest account. It's been touch and go for about six months now. It accounted for over half my pay. Ouch. I've known for a while that I needed to look for new employment as the company I've been working for isn't doing so well. So it wasn't a shock to hear, but it wasn't good news.

The Ugly:

We got home yesterday, and today my boss called and said he was closing the doors. The business is folding. I'm out of a job. Double ouch. My last day was the one I worked before we went on on vacation.
I've already applied for unemployment today, and filled out a job application on line for a local store that's opening. Tomorrow I'm going and applying for another store that's opening.

So that's the news. Send me some love.

Got to go. Need to bring Kate's purse and bike to her friend's house. She's going camping with her friend's family this weekend. They leave in the morning.