Last night I had a hard time falling asleep. I layed awake for about an hour, getting more and more nervous at the thought of meeting Carly, Ben and Sugar next weekend.
Here is the unedited version of what's been going through my mind lately.
What am I going to wear? What says "I'm warm, approachable, trustworthy, and capable of caring for your child in my body for 9 months?"
What if they don't like me?
What if conversation is stilted or uncomfortable? I hate when that happens.
What should I order for lunch? It's going to be hard to eat and discuss something so personal, so important...and I'm supposed to eat during this conversation?
What if I don't like them? I really want to like them...but what if I don't? I have a hard time letting people down. (not that we have to decide at lunch)
I'm really, really not looking forward to Sugar getting out "the list" and discussing a run down of fees and expenses. This is one of the major reasons I went with an agency for surrogacy attempt #2. I thought that the agency went over the related costs with the couple on their own. NOT over lunch with me present. If I wanted to discuss compensation with the couple, I would have gone independant again. I'm really bothered about this one.
Hair? My hair requires a lot of fussing to look decent, and when I'm nervous may turn out a wreck. I'm really a pony tail/ballcap kind of girl. A ballcap probably isn't the best look for a first meeting. What the heck am I going to do with my hair?
How do I keep from looking and sounding nervous? There is no doubt that I will be, my voice gets this little shake to it, and sometimes my hands shake too. I don't want them to think that I'm a complete wackjob. Meeting people for the first time is always a little nervewracking for me.
Is my husband going to be his charming self or his introverted self? It could go either way. He is either completely charming and sweet and funny, or he is a total hermit crab withdrawing into himself. My husband is a fantastic guy, but sometimes he clams up, which makes him seem distant and hard to read. I really want them to know that he is 100% supportive, and I want them to like him. I just hope he is comfortable enough to show them his warm, sweet self.
I could go on and on. Needless to say, I bet the meeting will turn out just fine. It's the waiting that makes my mind go crazy. I'm getting nervous!
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2 comments:
You might as well be your pony tailed, baseball cap wearing, nervous self! Didn't they already say they hoped you'd like them even though they're not movie stars? They probably want someone down-to-earth to whom they can relate. And it sounds like they're worrying about the same stuff you are!
Can you tell Sugar about your discomfort with discussing fees and ask if she can do that separately?
The most important thing is to chill out enough that you can evaluate whether or not these are people that you'd like to have in your life. Good luck!
I agree with Cat. At least wear the ponytail. As far as eating...definitely eat. My dream lunch with my GC would go something like this: Waitress: "Can I bring you something to drink?" You: "Yes, I'd like a glass of milk and could you bring me a water, too?" Waitress: "Are you folks ready to order? You: Yes. I'll have the mixed green salad with vinaigrette and the roast turkey sandwich with a cup of vegetable soup. Do you have any pickles and ice cream?"
Nice fantasy, but in actuality, my GC is a friend, and we went out for Mexican food and beer, for our first live "discussion." I'm sure it was similar when I "met" with my cousin, although she IS a bad eater (and I did get to the point where it was freaking me out a little, among other things).
I am also uncomfortable discussing expenses. But I had to just get it over with, both times. And I'm glad we did discuss what we did, I would rather not have too many surprises. But I would think that the agency should be the go-between in your case. That is what she's getting paid for. maybe its just case-by-case stuff, and not the full nitty gritty?
I hope it goes well, and remember, they are trying to impress you more. GL!
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