Friday, October 21, 2005

Passing time- Updated with answers

Well, there's nothing going on over here. I'm just waiting until next Saturday when we leave for Big City. I'd love to have something to write about, but I've got nothin' for ya. How about this? You guys are free to ask anything you like, and I'll do my best to answer it. I can't promise the most exciting answers, but if I answer I'll be honest. I'm a very open person. Ask about surrogacy or anything else for that matter.

Ok, Questions # 1, 2, 3 and 4 come from Cat. Thanks for asking some questions and not leaving me hanging!

Question# 1

What are your biggest hopes and your biggest fears about surrogacy?

My biggest hope is comprised of a few things. To achieve and complete a healthy pregnancy first and foremost. My dissappointment from Surrogacy attempt #1 (Jan-May of this year) has left me with a very strong desire to conquer IVF. I want another shot. I know how invested Sally, Don and myself were. We wanted it to work so damn bad. I hated seeing them dissappointed and leaving them with their dream of a child unfulfilled was terribly hard for me. I want to make someone a Mother- and a Dad! My very biggest hope is to beat the odds.

The rest of what I want is icing on the cake. I think that will be covered under your question concerning the relationship I hope to have with the baby's parents.

My biggest fear. Oh God. There are a few.
Not achieve pregnancy after multiple cycles.
Achieve a pregnancy and miscarry, or it doesn't progress normally etc. God, I don't want to have any more heartbreak happen for the couple I am carrying for.
For the couple to treat me like a paid employee.
For them to cut me out of their life after their child arrives.
For people in my life to disrespect what I am doing. (although most of my immediate family know about me pursuing surrogacy and every single person I've told thinks it's wonderful.)

Question #2.

Do you hope to have a long-term relationship with the parents and the child?

Absolutely, although I know it doesn't always work out this way. (one of my fears)
In my application information, this is something that you write about. This is one area that the agency uses to match you with a couple. They ask about the amount of contact you'd prefer during your cycling/pregnancy and about contact after the birth.
I wrote that what I would expect in terms of contact during the process is a lot/often. I enjoy talking on the phone and emailing, and daily contact would be great. Along with the parents being physically present for as many Drs appts as they'd wish, or are able to attend if I become pregnant.
After the birth I wrote that I'd expect to be treated as any friend or extended family member. If they're sending out a mass email to their friends and family with a picture of the baby eating their first solid food, or first steps- please include me! They don't need to call me any certain amount, or invite me to Sunday dinner- but please don't cut me out of your life like I never existed. Even in Gestational Surrogacy, you'd be surprised how many couples refuse to acknowledge their surrogate once the baby is placed in their arms. Promises to remain in contact vanish, along with updates on the new family and child. It is very hurtful to the surro, and I will go so far as to say disrespectful in my mind. ( unless "no-contact" was specified between the parties during the contract phase)
Maybe every few months, or a couple of times a year, give me call just to say "Hi".
Ask how my family and I are doing. Let me know how you guys are doing. Just like you would a friend that you don't get to see often. Basically, I want to be a lifelong friend of the family. I'll be proud of what we did, and hopefully the parents will be too.

As for my relationship with the child. Wow. That's almost surreal to think about.
The best way I can explain it is like this.
I want to be thought of as someone who did something special for them. Like a kidney donor.
They're not indebted to me in any way, I'm just a person out there who did something special for them because I wanted to. Their parents needed help to bring them into this world, and I was there to give it to them. I just hope that they think that I'm pretty cool.
A big hug someday would be the ultimate.
Ok I'm crying now. Thanks Cat.

Question #3

Do you know anyone who's done this before?

No, but I frequent a couple of great surrogate mom boards and I think of those ladies as friends just like you guys. My heart is invested in their lives/stories.

Question#4

Did you have really easy pregnancies yourself?

Yes, I really did.
Pregnant first month trying with both of my children, full term healthy babies.
First child, girl, 1992, 9 hour labour, no meds , vaginal delivery, 8lbs 9 oz.
Second child, boy, 1997, induction, 12 hour labour, epidural in the 11th hour, born 20 minutes later, vag delivery, 7lbs 2 oz.

Great questions Cat. Thank you so much for asking.

1 comment:

Cat, Galloping said...

Oooh oooh, I'll go! What are your biggest hopes and your biggest fears about surrogacy? Do you hope to have a long-term relationship with the parents and the child? Do you know anyone who's done this before? Did you have really easy pregnancies yourself?