Wednesday, May 31, 2006

# 3?

I've been asked by my husband and my best friend if I'm going to do this again. (surrogacy)

While I'm not necessarily going to seek it out, if an opportunity arose, I'm pretty sure that I would like to do this one more time.

Of course there's things that I'd change, or look for in a third attempt.

I would prefer to:


1. Go the independent route.

I've found that the agency wasn't worth the money they were paid, and if anything they may have made things a little more difficult than things needed to be.


2. Carry for second time IPs (already have a child/ren though surrogacy)

A) They realize what surroogacy is all about, and I won't have to walk them through the process like I have for these last two surrogacies.
B) Since this will be my last surrogacy I won't be available to do "a sibling project". Most second time IPs won't be looking to go through a third surrogacy. They're more than finished after two successful pregnancies/surrogacies.
C) It would be wonderful to be able to talk to their surrogate from their first time around. References are always a good thing.
My IPs from 2005 offered to speak to any potential IPs about me that wanted to contact them. I would hope to be able to do the same thing (talk to their surro) if I was considering working with second time IPs.


3. IPs that have frozen embryos.

The rollercoaster of cycling kills me. Synchronizing our cycles, waiting to see if the IM's E2 is rising, how many follicles she has growing, how many eggs are retrieved, how many fertilize, how many make it day three or day five... All of that is so damn hard. I'd love to skip all of that. To be able to do a FET? Sounds like heaven to me.

4. IPs that don't live close.

I would re-consider this if Sally & Don, the first couple I worked with, decided they wanted to cycle again. But only for them.
I've realized that a little space is good.


I would insist on:


1. Sticking to a TWO embryo transfer. Let me tell you, that's what I put in our contract, that's what we agreed to, but once I got the slightest pressure to add the third embryo, I caved. And then I shit my pants from the high beta until our first ultrasound. Not going to do that again.

2. An increase on parts of my compensation. Some things I was too low on, some things weren't included. I didn't want to ask for too much at the beginning. Now that they're not a part of our agreement, I wish I'd have spoke up. Feeling used isn't good. Ask for what you think is fair. I have a better idea of my needs this time around.

So far, that's what I'm thinking. Going to give it some more thought.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are so strong and I am so sorry that this experience has left you feeling even slightly used. I am a first-time IP just starting my journey and I have so much respect for what you are doing and I have really enjoyed hearing your perspective on this...it is certainly giving me a lot of food for thought as to the complex feelings a surrogate experiences. You are a wonderful, strong and very brave person. I also hope that Allen is doing well after his surgery. You sure have a lot on your plate right now.

Anonymous said...

Lots of food for thought there. It just goes to show you that even when things look perfect and straight-forward that there will always be kinks along the way. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Aileara said...

A great post, Dee. Hey, where do you live? We're already talking sibling project, although we're only approaching week 22 now. Maybe we live far enough away for us to match up next time. I know you've had IP problems, we've had GS problems, I think we've both had agency problems. You never know, it might just work.