Weekend Update

Friday night I was on the phone with Carly and I was bored. So I said offhandedly, " I should come visit you". Right away she started squealing "Yes! Come visit! Are you really thinking of coming over?" She was super excited. I said "sure, why not?"
This was around 7pm.
She lives about 50 minutes from me, and I've never seen her house.
So I hopped in the shower, and headed out by 8pm.
I arrived at 9, and visited with her and Ben until 12pm. We had a great visit.
Our phone calls have been a little strained lately, and I think that this visit was just what we needed.
When I arrived, I showed her and Ben my belly. Carly gasped! She thought it was so great.
When I was about to leave, Carly seemed bummed that I was leaving. I reminded her that even if I left right then, I wouldn't even get home until almost 1am.
I had to talk to her on my cell phone for the first 15 minutes or so after leaving her house, due to the fact it was so dark, and it was hard to find all the street signs I needed.
While we were talking, she told me that she would have been happy if I had wanted to spend the night. That made me feel good. I knew then that they had really enjoyed me coming over.

I can't believe we're heading into pregnancy week 17!

We have our OB-Gyn appointment tomorrow morning. Right now we're going every 4 weeks.

In other news, last night (Sat) the phone rang at 1:40am and it was my best friend. My best friend is my sister-in-law, Lee. She called me crying, saying that my brother-in-law (Allen's brother, Duke) was vomiting blood and was hallucinating a bit. He refused to go to the hospital.
A bit of background-
Duke (my husbands brother) is a good hearted guy. A good person. But he's an alcoholic. He was hospitalized a few years ago, twice, and almost died. His liver almost completely shut down and he was every shade of green and then yellow for months. He looked like an alien with green face paint on. It was unreal.
he was released, and told that if he didn't quit drinking, it would kill him.
Well, we think he stopped for about a year, then slowly started sneaking liquor. His choice- straight vodka.
Lee, had started finding his hidden bottles here and there over the last couple of years. He still refuses to go to AA or get any kind of outside help.
This past couple of weeks , Lee has found 2 more bottles.
Then this past week, she told me that she knew something was wrong, he had been sleeping almost every day, all day. ( my brother-in law doesn't work, he's got other issues as well)

So last night, Lee called me, freaking out. Duke was vomiting black blood (like coffee grounds she says) just like a few years ago when he almost died.
She could not get him to go to the hospital.
Another point to mention here is that they don't have insurance of any kind, and haven't had any since Duke lost his cleaning company last August. (the one I used to work for)
So she is completely breaking down on the phone.
I talked to her until almost 4am, and then we hung up, with her unable to force him to go get help.

When I woke up this morning, Allen told me that Lee had called, and Duke finally agreed to go to the hospital.
We went and visited them today, as the hospital is only 5 minutes from our house.
So far, he has been admitted, and they are running tests on him. He is already starting into his DT's, shaking and hallucinating from the lack of alcohol. He was thanking Lee for bringing Vito (one of their dogs) and putting him under the hospital bed. He's a mess. And he'll only get worse over the next while.

I feel so badly for my sis-in-law and best friend. She has been keeping her family (they have 2 boys)together for so long. She loves a good man with a bad addiction.
I hope that this time, is the one that wakes Duke up. But I said that the last 2 times, and you can't make someone get help, who doesn't want help.

So that's my update, I'm tired, and I don't have time to check for spelling mistakes.
Forgive me.

Awww you guys... *shuffle feet*

Thanks for all the great comments and emails.

I find that I really want this journal to be a place where I can let it all out.
But I'm learning that in reality, it's a very difficult thing to do.
I'm censoring so much.

Here's the thing. For me so far, this surrogacy is almost 100% about the relationship I have with Carly, and to a lesser extent Ben.
And the things that have been bothering me are Carly related.

I'm just having a hard time dealing with her worry, and daily monitoring etc. I know why she's like this, she's lost 6 babies. So I knew before I even met her that she would be hyper vigilant, protective and a huge worrier. So, I get that. I truly do. I do my very best to soothe her worries. I go way out of my way in fact. But I'm starting to wear down. I find that I want to avoid her phone calls. (which I don't, but i want to...)
It's very hard.
I know she trust me 100%. She's just so afraid that something is going to go wrong like it has to her, so many times.
It's hard trying to take care of myself, the twins and her...

And yes, I've told her about the blog, and how much I've put "out there" and she's OK with all of it. But she doesn't know the name or URL, and she really isn't a computer type of gal, so I don't have a lot of worries about her looking for it. Plus she'd just ask me if she wanted to read it and if I needed to, I'd pull anything down that might hurt her feelings.

I'm just afraid of talking about how she's making me feel etc, because I fear a lot of my readers are women who read Julie's big list, are having hard times themselves and may think of me badly and will side with my IM.

Make sense?

Anyway, thank you all for the great comments. I think I'll be posting more soon.
I'll try to tell the truth about the intricacies of a surrogacy relationship, in the best way that I can. It's not easy!

1 day shy of 16 weeks!

Carly and I had a long talk tonight. About an hour and a half!
She told me all about her family and their plans for her baby shower.
And like all families, there have been bumps in the road, and differences of opinions.
It's fun to get to sit back, and be a part of things, yet not be involved at the same time.
Carly has 1 Mom, 4 sisters, and one sister-in-law. So there's a lot of ideas being kicked aroound. I guess at one point he sister Camille said to Carly "Why don't we just give you the money that we're gong to spend on the shower, and you can use it to buy everything you need. I mean people are going to come visit you after the babies are born and bring you gifts then, and they shouldn't have to give 2 gifts."
WTH?
Yeah.
Carly said her reply was something like " I don't need gifts after they're born, I kind of need to be set up before their born. And I don't expect them to bring me gifts when they visit too..."

I said to Carly. " AGH! What the hell is she thinking! It's not even about the GIFTS! It's about celebrating the upcoming arrival of your children! It's about spending the day around people you love, and opening gifts, and having this be YOUR TIME, YOUR DAY! How many baby showers have YOU attended"
Carly said "A million" (they have a huge family, and are expecting well over 100 women at the shower)
Then Carly stared saying "You're right! I should have told her that! These babies are my miracles!"

Oops. I hope I didn't add too much fuel to the fire.

As for the pregnancy, did I tell you that I've been feeling the babies move since around 13 weeks? Crazy hunh? We'll be 16 weeks this Thursday. Their movements are getting stronger and I have to say, the first night I felt their little swimming movements inside, I smiled and had tears in my eyes. It was such a great moment. I loved telling Carly the next day. She couldn't believe it. But it was the babies moving that night almost 3 weeks ago, and I've felt them every night since, always around 11:30pm, when I lay on my left side in bed. So amazing.

I'm still on the Zofran, and I've tried not taking it a couple of times over the past week.
NOT a good idea.
This morning as soon as I got up, before I could even take my pill, I was gagging and threw up bile into the kitcheen sink. At 8am. Nice.
The other problem I've been having is constipation, and believe me, I've been trying everything to get back to normal, and nothing's working.
Metamucil, Colace, fruit, beans, lots of water, and today even 2 infant glycerin suppositories. Nothing. Well nothing but a few pellets.
Any ideas?


Let's see what else? You know, I lay in bed at night and I think of all these things to tell you, and then when I sit down to write, nothing.

So that's it for now. My brain just died and it's time for bed.

Here's the deal

I haven't been posting.

The reason is because I want to be able to let it all hang out and I feel that I can't. I want to be able to be talk about everything, and I feel that I have to censor myself. I'm scared to post about my true feelings. I'm afraid to bitch or whine, lest my readers think I'm not happy about what I'm doing. I'm afraid to give you guys the wrong idea about what it is really like.
Am I making any sense here?

So I've found that since I havn't been giving the whole story, I'l just give none of it, just important updates. And yet, that feels like a disservice too.

I just don't know what to do. I started this journal with the intention of giving an accurate account of what it's like to have a surrogacy, and the complicated relationship it entails, with all the feelings associated with one. Instead, I've found that it's much harder than anticipated, and I'm afraid of the judgement I'll get if I do.

Help.

13 weeks

Just a quick post to say that everything is A-OK.
I'm 13 weeks tomorrow, and things are going great.
We had our first Ob-Gyn visit Monday morning, and we got to have a quick peek at the little munchkins, and I didn't even have to take my pants off this time!
Hooray for abdominal ultrasounds!
We have our 18wk U/S scheduled. Hopefully the babes will cooperate and we'll find out the sexes. I scheduled it for the day after Mother's day- Monday May 15th.

Also, thank God for Zofran. I am feeling like my old self again.

More soon.

I hurt so much

MAURICE, Aubert "Pete" peacefully, surrounded by his family on March 23, 2006 at Hotel Dieu Grace Hospital as a result of an automobile accident in Lakeland, Fl. Beloved husband and best friend of Vivian (Shipko) (nee Gagnon) and the late Angeline Allegretti (1970). Loving father of Victor, Berny, Carmen and Connie, of LaSalle; Angela and Rick Bastien, of Essex. Cherished grandfather of Charles, Donna, Julie, Danielle, Jaclyn, Rachelle, Peter, Renee, Jaimie, and Jennifer. Great-grandfather of Caitlin, Tyler, Brigitte, Tayla, Larissa and Andrea. Dear brother of Angeline Juneau, of Mi., and the late Aldee and Irene Maurice, Gus and Marjorie Maurice, Jeanne and Paul Frigault, Donat and Ted Maurice, Beatrice and Wilfred Ouellette, Gerard Maurice and Roger Maurice. Brother-in-law of Irene Maurice, of Stoney Creek; Penny Maurice, Ronald and Julia Gagnon, of Belle River; Maurice and Sheila Gagnon, of Tecumseh; Jeanette and Lionel Poisson, of Rodney; Lloyd and Arlene Gagnon, of Henderson, Nev; Carolyn and Pete Daudlin, of Wheatley; Donald and Mae Gagnon, of Lincoln, Cal.; Allan and Michelle Gagnon, of Placentia , Cal.; Marlene and Paul Renaud, of Belle River; Denise Hillock and friend Zoli Voros, of Windsor; and Carmen Allegretti, of Fl. Also survived by many nieces and nephews. Pete was a retired locomotive engineer at CNR and was an avid golfer, fisherman and hunter. He was a member of the the Sutton Creek Golf and Country Club, Captain of the Retreads League and a member of the PGA Golf Pool. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the charity of one's choice. A special thank you to the staff of Lakeland Regional Hospital and Hotel Dieu Grace of Windsor. Visiting Saturday, from 7:00 to 9:00 p.m. and Sunday, from 1:00 to 5:00 and 7:00 to 9:00 p.m. at The Marcotte Funeral Home and Chapel, 12105 Tecumseh Road, Tecumseh (735-2830). Prayers Sunday at 8:30 p.m. The Funeral will be held on Monday, March 27, 2006 at 9:45 a.m. from the funeral home to Parish of the Atonement Church, 2940 Forest Glade Drive, for a Mass of Christian Burial at 10:30 a.m. Fr. Clare Coleman will be the celebrant. Interment at Heavenly Rest Cemetery. A tree wil be planted in memory of A.J. "Pete" Maurice in the Marcotte Heritage Forest. A dedication service will be held on September 24, 2006. All are welcome. The family invites you to sign the Book of Condolence or to share a memory at www.marcotte-tecumseh.ca .


**********************************************************************************

I want to share his eulogy with you.( the words from the Grandchildren)
My sister wrote it. She did a beautiful job, and I want to share a bit of my Grandpa with you.




Once, in a quiet moment, Grandpa shared a thought similar to this: “Old friends pass away, new friends appear… An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend--or a meaningful day.”
Our Grandpa followed this type of philosophy throughout his life, and, in doing so, provided us with the perfect model of how to live and love.

Grandpa often had these moments of deep insight; but he also had a sparkling personality which inspired us to call him “just so cute.” This term of endearment was our way of expressing Grandpa’s passionate zest for life. He could play with trains, fly kites, relish his strawberries and ice cream, tell jokes, and laugh, with youthful exuberance. The twinkle in his kindly blue eyes as he adjusted our first grip on the putter, or guided our aim as we pitched our first horseshoe, was a manifestation of the pure pleasure and happiness our Grandpa radiated.

He taught us to play with determination, and have a strong spirit of competitiveness, while at the same time exhibiting values of honesty and good sportsmanship. Win or lose, he always had words of encouragement, and an affectionate smile, for his partner in the game. Never once did we hear Grandpa raise his voice, or say something hurtful about someone else. He had a consistently positive attitude around his grandchildren, which was inspirational.

Yet it was truly Grandpa’s unconditional love that had the greatest effect upon our lives, and caused each grandchild to blossom in his presence. How we will miss being greeted with that smile, which radiated warmth; that enormous bear hug, that made you feel enveloped in love; and of course, being told how beautiful each of us are. Grandpa always made every, individual grandchild feel special in his or her own way. He was such a genuine man; we would never doubt his sincere belief in each of us. Grandpa consistently made us feel comfortable to be ourselves around him. He was real, so we could be real with him. He loved us and was proud of us for simply being who we are—his grandchildren.

But it is we who are proud. It is we who have been so blessed to have a Grandpa who exemplified love, and living a meaningful life. If Grandpa left a legacy for his grandchildren, it is this: to live and love as he did.

A few days ago, I came across a poem with a message that seemed to be coming straight from Grandpa himself. It speaks of overcoming grief, and the continuation of life. So, in closing, I would like to share it with you all.

Death is nothing at all
I have only slipped away into the next room
I am I, and you are you
Whatever we were to each other
That we are still
Call me by my old familiar name
Speak to me in the easy way you always used
Put no difference into your tone
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed
At the little jokes we always enjoyed together
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was
Let it be spoken without effort
Without the ghost of a shadow in it
Life means all that it ever meant
It is the same as it ever was ….
I am waiting for you for an interval
Somewhere very near
Just around the corner
All is well.

********************************************************************




I miss you so much Grandpa. I love you.

Hi There

Sorry to those I worried.

The spot was only a spot. It never showed up again. Thank God.

Last Friday we had our 10wk1day appointment. Both babies looked perfect, and each measured 10wks1day.

My estrogen was over 2,000 and my progesterone was at 38.
I'm finally allowed to stop all meds. No more shots!

Our next appointment at the fertility clinic is this Friday when we'll be 11wks1day, and it will also be our last visit.

Next Friday is our first visit to the Ob-Gyn.

I've been really sick, headaches and nauseousness every day. I'm getting really tired of feeling this way. Hopefully I'll feel better soon, and then maybe I'll have more to say.

So far so good

Since that one spot of blood last night, there's been nothing. So that's good news. I'm keeping a close eye on things though.

And to the commenter that said this "I assume Carly doesn't know about this blog, otherwise you wouldn't be posting the question. It does seem a bit strange that so many in the blogging world are aware of this personal story without her knowledge."

You're wrong. She does in fact know about this blog, but she doesn't read it. She knows I am sharing a lot about us, and she doesn't mind. Carly,(not her real name)
is a very open woman who will tell anyone who will listen about IVF, surrogacy and what we're doing. Please don't assume. You know what they say about that.

It's only a spot, right?

Ok, I just went to the bathroom and a round spot of bright red blood was on the toilet paper.
(thanks to all all of the journals I read, I'm an obsessive toilet paper checker now)
I havent had sex, nor do I have any other reason to give.
The spot was about the size of an eraser head.
Small, I know but I'm freaking out just a little.
Praying that it's nothing.
Here's the thing. Call Carly or no?
I'm leaning towards no, just because I don't want to freak her out. But, I know she wants to know, and surely has a right to know every little detail. We talk every day, and she quizzes me on my symptoms, etc.
Advice?

Another good ultrasound

Today's ultrasound and blood letting was just super, thanks for asking.

Baby A measured 15.3mm and 7wks 6days and Baby B measured 16.0mm and 8wks 0days. For some reason, the machine at my clinic doesn't have a measurement for the heartrates, but they were both nice and fast, just the way they should be. My nurse also saw the amniotic sacs forming(and she showed me), which is just what she was looking for this week. The babies definitely had a baby shape to them this week, which was cool. They're still blobs, but more like baby blobs with head, arm and legs buds. Very cool.

My levels were as follows.
HCG 100,000+
Progesterone 28
Estrogen 1600+

Starting today I am being weened off of my meds.
I don't have to take the Estrace tablets anymore, but I still have to wear my Climara patches.
I don't have to take my Crinone suppositories, but I do have to do my 2cc injections of PIO every other night.
Basically my meds were cut in half. I'm good with that.

Feeling very nauseous today. Going to lay back down.

And hey, thanks to everyone who's commented lately. I'm digging that.

Hi

Nothing much to report here. Not sure why I can't find anything to write about.

We had an ultrasound again last Friday, and both babies had done one weeks worth of growing. So everything was right on track.

We have another ultrasound tomorrow (8wks1day), and I think one more next Friday(9wks1day) and then I will be released to a regular Ob-Gyn.

Right now I'm stil on PIO injections, Climara patches, Estrace tablets and Crinone gel suppositories.
I'll be so glad to be off of all these meds.

As for Carly and I, we talk almost every day. She tells me how she wakes up happy every day.
Yesterday, she had a bit of a problem with the mother of one of her students. The woman ended up hanging up on her. When Carly related the story to one of her teacher friends, her friend said to her, "So what! You have twins on the way!" and Carly said that's exactly how her mindset has been lately. The joy of these babies is always on her mind.

Now. As incredible as this makes me feel, I never realized the pressure that this puts me under.

I find myself worrying, praying that everything will be OK. I really worry the night before each ultrasound.
I feel like the health of these babies is completely on my shoulders, and a good outcome rests solely on me.
It's making me crazy.
Carly's relaxed and upbeat, positive that this time it's going to work, and she'll have her long awaited for babies this fall.
I am hesitant, and nervous, wanting to shield her, protect her from possible heartbreak.
How ridiculous is this? I never expected to feel this way.

TWINS!

The ultrasound revealed 2 beautiful babies, both with hearts just beating away.

Everyone here is over the moon.

More soon.

Numbers

Todays beta number = 15,385. (20dp5dt)

Perfectly doubling every 48 hours since our first beta of 58.1 at 6dp5dt.

Our ultrasound is scheduled for this Friday morning.

Waiting

We're just waiting for Monday to check my levels again, and waiting for next Friday for the ultrasound.

Carly calls me everyday to see how I'm feeling and see how things are going.

Ben is worried that it may be triplets, Carly has told him that "whatever we're blessed with, we're keeping."
I, of course am scared silly that it's trips, but in my contract I said I'd carry them, and I will. But obviousy I'm hoping for twins or a singleton.

The only symptoms I've been having are headaches and tiredness.
I feel the occasional small twinge or tug around my uterus/left side.

Other than that, there's nothing going on. And that's a good thing.

Twins? Triplets?

13dp5dt

Progesterone- 38
Estrogen- 982
HCG- 1,271

Will do another levels check next Monday. (13th)
Ultrasound to be scheduled for next Thursday or Friday.

Going to lay down now. So tired today.

Reaction

As for Carly. Well.

I had been taking pictures since we decided to meet in October. I had been secretly making a video hoping to have a positive pregnancy test to add at the end as a way to surprise them.
Obviously I was able to complete it, and I sent it to her on Monday afternoon.
I was going to make it into a movie for the DVD player and then drive to her house and put it in between the doors for when she got home after work, with instructions for her and Ben to watch it together...but I found out at the last minute that we didn't have any of the right discs left! AGH! And no time to buy them, burn it and drive to her house before she got home.
So, my husband put it up on a website and I called her after she got in from work, and I asked her if Ben was there too. She said yes. I told her that I had made them something and that I wanted to email it to them. She had no idea what was coming.
Ben was on the computer at the time (he works from home), so it was perfect. I reminded her that I made it for both of them so to make sure he watched it with her.
I ran downstairs and emailed it. Then I hung up.

Remember she didn't know that I was testing...

Well, my phone rang about 15 minutes later. Carly was practically screaming.
Her voice was so high, it was cutting out on her. She sais "DEE! Are you SERIOUS? Are you SERIOUS? You're KIDDING ME! Are you kidding me?"
I laughed and yelled right back at her. "YES I'M SERIOUS!" and "NO, I'm NOT kidding! It's positive!"
She was like a crazy woman, repeating herself over and over. It ranged from "I can't believe it!", to "I KNEW you were pregnant! I just KNEW IT!"
I asked her at what point in the video she knew what was happening. I asked her if it was when the stork flew by and it said "Are you ready?"
She said " No, it was right before that, when I saw the picture of all those tests! I said to Ben , "She can't be doing that!", and then I realized that "I" had taken the trigger shot...."
She went on to say that she was SO relieved and happy that I kind of tricked her and didn't tell her that I was testing. She said that she was SO GLAD that I was secretly testing, that she was so relieved not to have to worry until our beta (at that time, still a week away.)

Then I hit her with the even better news. I said "And it gets better. When I went for the bloodwork today to check my levels, I had them run a beta, since I had the positive tests. Nurse D just called me, the beta is really good, and we're definitely pregnant! They bumped me up to this Friday for a repeat."

She was so ecstatic, she started crying. She told me that she kissed Ben about 20 times when they figured out what was going on. He is very very happy too. She said that he said that he is so glad that I'm carrying for them this time, that they can just enjoy this pregnancy now.

Yesterday Carly told me how much she is already enjoying this pregnancy. That she is so relieved, and so much stress is off of her. She said "You have no idea of my mental state, what it was like" (talking about losing 6 babies during 5 seperate pregnancies, and how stressful and nerve wracking it was)

She told me that she thinks of me like a sister. She told me she loved me.


As for our beta numbers. I had the repeat beta drawn this morning. At 3pm Nurse D called me and told me that our beta on Monday was 58.1. (6dp5dt) Today it was at 283. (10dp5dt)
Doubling perfectly.
Going back Monday to get all levels checked again.
Ultrasound will be scheduled for 2 weeks. (around Feb 20th)

Thank you so very much to those who de-lurked with their congratulations. It feels so wonderful.

7dp5dt

6dp5dt

It's positive! 4 different home pregnancy tests, all are positive.
The nurse agreed to run a beta with my other levels that were being checked today.
She called at 3pm, and the beta is positive. She said that all of my levels are "very good" and to keep doing what I'm doing (meds wise) and to come back Friday for a repeat beta.

I am overwhelmed in a very good way. More soon.
Too tired to type.

Nada

4dp5dt- Nothing.

Testing, testing 1,2 3

3dp5dt

Of course with all the tests I've got, I already started testing. One FRED each morning with the FMU and a saveontests cheapie strip.
Then cheapie stips for the rest of the day.
Nothing.

Cramping

The cramping started a few hours after transfer, and hasn't stopped. It's not strong, just twingey and almost constant, with a sharp jab here and there.
That's all.

Transfer Day

I only have a couple of minutes, as I want to get horizontal again soon.

Today was perfect. Truly. Carly came and picked me up at 10:00am. We were at the office by 10:40am. They took my blood up front, and then immediately brought us to the back for me to get undressed and Carly to get suited up. They gave me a couple of Motrin and a Valium. Since I hadn't eaten anything yet this morning, one of the nurses brought me some crackers before she had me take my meds. Carly and I took a few pictures. The nurses were pouring into our room to wish us luck. Carly has been with this clinic for 7 years and they have gotten her pregnant 5 times. Due to her different medical issues, she has lost every pregnancy. They are thrilled that she has a surrogate now. And, one that followed through.
Carly has had 2 people that she knows, offer and then back out during the discussion stages, and one "friend", if you can call her that, that was accepting money from Carly but not showing up for her appointments at the clinic, and then backed out before transfer, leaving Carly to transfer the three blasts that were ready to go, back into herself instead. That was last July. Since Carly had already miscarried 6 babies, her family was pretty mad. But Carly took one last attempt at getting pregnant. The three blasts never resulted in a pregnancy.
In September we found each other. :)

Today we transferred 1 4AA blast,(excellent) another blast that looked great(that's all they told us) and one that was on it's way to a blast, but not there yet.
We find out if there were any left to freeze tomorrow.

So we transferred 3. I'm excited and terrified.

A peek inside my bathroom cabinet

That would be 50 strip tests, and 10 FREDS. I bought them back in December, in anticipation of this cycle.
Bring on the transfer. I'm ready. :)

Bracelet

I bought Carly and I matching bracelets. They're sterling silver with sea turtle charms. Sea turtles symbolize fertility, longevity and protection from harm.

I hope she likes it.

Embryo update

As of yesterday (Day3) this is how our 8 embryos were doing.

4 were at 8 cells.
1 was at 7 cells.
1 was at 6 cells.
2 were at 4 cells.

Pretty great for my IM who is 39 1/2 years old.

I have to be at the clinic tomorrow morning at 10:30am with at least 4 8oz glasses of water in me. They told me to eat a little something beforehand because I'll be having Motrin and a Valium.

Carly has to give her senior students an exam tomorrow morning from 7am until 9:00am. Then she's going to run out of there, drive to pick me up (45 minute drive) and then we'll drive to the clinic from my house (35 minutes). We should be there just in time. I'm getting butterflies! It's finally here! Tomorrow is Transfer day! Dance with me won't you?

Here it is...

So far we have...

18 retrieved
16 mature
12 fertilized
They took 4 of the 12 fertilized and froze them
They are currently putting the other 8 through blast.
The next time they check them will be Sunday. (Day 3)
We will get a call Monday telling us how many survived.
At this time it looks like our transfer will be 11:00am Tuesday morning.

Fertilization Report

I'm still waiting on a call. Carly said she'd call me as son as she heard anything. AAGGHHHH.

My nurse called me, but I missed the call.
Her message was " I just got a call from Carly's nurse. You guys are definitely going to blast. I'll call you Monday, and let you know what time to show up at the main office Tuesday."

Details! I need details! How do they look? How many fertilized?

Waiting sucks.

Good news!

Retrieval went very well!
They got 18 eggs from Carly.
It was wonderful to hear the happiness in Carly's voice as she told me the good news.
Her nurse also told her that on Monday (the night before her trigger)her E2 was 3400.
And they expect most of her eggs to fertilize. "All but a couple" was what the nurse told her.
Dr.Ego says that he will probably take them to blasts.
If all goes well, Transfer is on Tuesday!
I start PIO injections tonight.

AYIEEEEE!

Shut down

I don't have much to say. I'm pretty nervous about tomorrow. With two prior experiences, both of them bad, I find that I'm trying not to think about it this time. I'm not allowing myself to get excited. I'm trying to just go through the motions, and not let my emotions run amok, like they did last year.
I'm trying to act as if tomorrow isn't the most important day in our cycle so far.
I've been trying not to dwell on this cycle too much, and just let the days pass by. Otherwise it's excrutiating slow and nerve wracking.


If you think about it, could you offer up some good wishes for and Carly and Ben around 10:30am EST tomorrow morning?

This couple has lost enough babies. 6 babies in 7 years. It's more than time for them to become parents.

Thanks.

AYIEEE!

Trigger is tomorrow night at 10:30pm!

Carly has to be at the clinic by 1O:00am Thursday.
retrieval is set for 10:30am.

Transfer will be either Saturday or Tuesday depending on how many fertilize, and if Dr.Ego puts them through blast.

AYIEEEE! The dates are set!

Trigger tonight?

Carly may trigger tonight. We're waiting on her bloodwork to come back.

She had 17 or 18 follicles on the right. The lead follicle at 24, the rest mostly between 17-22 in size.
She had 3-5 on the right, she's not sure of the sizes.
Her nurse told her that everything looks great.
We're so excited!

My lining check went well. It has the triple line pattern that they want. My lining is at an 11, after only 7 days of meds. It will probably end up to be 12-14 by the time of transfer. Wonderful!

I'll update on Carly's E2 this afternoon.

Conversations

2 days ago I was talking to my Mom on the phone. She was telling me that over the weekend, she and my step-dad had some friends over. 2 other couples. The friends had inquired about her children.
She gave them a quick update and when she got to me, she told them about the surrogacy.

I guess questions started to fly, and from what I can tell, my Mom did a damn fine job on educating them.

Of course there was the usual questions, like "Whose baby is it?"
She explained that it was Carly's egg and Ben's sperm.

They asked "Won't it be hard for her to give the baby up anyway?"

And my Mom told them exactly what I had told her when she asked that same question of me last year.
She answered " She's not giving it up. She's giving it back. It wasn't hers to begin with."

They said " So she's just basically an incubator?"

"Well yes," my Mom gently agreed, but then clarified things in her own words " You don't know my daughter. This is what she's like. She's just going to tuck it into a safe place under her heart and carry it for a while."

My Mom made me cry. That's it exactly.








I was in the kitchen yesterday and Allen and TJ were in the adjoining living room.

TJ (talking to Allen about something) "Why did you give that to him?"

Allen "Cause I'm a good man."

TJ "Yep, my Dad is a nice man (looks over toward me) and my Mom is a nice lady."

Allen "She is."

TJ "And I'm glad that you married each other."

Allen "Me too, that makes two of us."







Last night I was in W@lgreenz, talking on my cell phone to Carly.
We were all over the place in our conversation. We started discussing our cycle, and how we feel about Dr.Ego. We talked about our clinic, and how they have the best live birth rates in our state. We talked about how out of the 7 doctors in our clinic, Dr.Ego has the best stats. We talked about how his personality really stinks though, as he is a research scientist, and he's really egotistical, cold and talks above you.

As I was wandering around the store, I was getting more and more passionate about our conversation. I forgot where I was, and my voice was raised.

Carly "Well his bedside manner really sucks, but since he's the best... that's all that really matters to me."

Now, no one was in the aisle while we were having this conversation. But like I said, I wasn't really paying much attention anyway, and I was talking way louder than I realized. I was one of those people on their phones, you know the ones I'm talking about.

So I boom out " Absolutely! I feel the same way! I don't care how much of an asshole he is, as long as he gets me pregnant!"

And then I hear a snort of of laughter, and there's a lady who has entered the end of the aisle, and she's laughing as she walks past me.

I. Was. Mortified.

And as she passes me I stutter " No, NO! It's not like that!"

And she says, still laughing, "It's Ok honey, I know what you mean."

And now I just can't keep my mouth shut as I yell toward her as she leaving the aisle, " No really! You don't! We're talking about a Doctor! Not a guy! And..."

Carly was in hysterics listening to the whole thing.

I left the W@lgreenz without buying anything.

Sigh of relief

Carly's E2 came in at 700. I am thrilled.
Just for comparison, last year when I cycled with Sally, Sally's E2 on Day 5 of stims was 29.

Our nurse says everything looks perfect for Carly this cycle. She goes in again on Monday. They expect her to trigger Tuesday or Wednesday.

*Whew*

So far so good...

So far Carly has 13 or 14 follicles on the right. 1x16, 2x14, 2x13 and the rest 10-12. Good right?
On the left, the ovary that hides and is hard to see, she has 4 follicles. She doesn't remember the sizes, but they're 10's or better, but not as big as the right.(no 14, 15, or 16s)
The nurse and a doctor that happened to be in there said that the right is beautiful. The left is good too.
I can't wait to hear her E2 level this afternoon.

Carly's first check...

Well, she should be heading to the clinic right now. Her appointment is for 9:30am. They promised to have her out of there by 10am. She said she'll call me as soon as she gets in the car, to tell me how many follicles she has, and what size they are. She's also going to call me later this afternoon after the clinic calls her with her E2 number.
More soon!

*Yawn*

I am so tired this morning. I could barely help TJ get ready for school, and drive him on time.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I help the kids in his class for two hours.(3rd grade)

The children have one on one reading time with me. They haltingly, agonizingly read to me, and I listen, and offer help when needed.
I do this from 10am-12pm. Then, it's lunch time and I take TJ home for a quick lunch. Today, after I drop him back off at school, I need to drive to TWO different pharmacies to pick up the rest of the meds that my pharmacy didn't have in stock. One to get crinone, one to get estrogen patches.

Then, I have an appointment to give blood at Red Cross at 2:15.

Next, I have to pick up TJ after school at my MIL's house.

Then it's homework help time, while making dinner.

I think I'm forgetting something....
Oh Yes! I have to take Kate tonight to have her figures skates punched out in spots, and stretched.

Ok, I've got to go. It's time to brush my teeth and throw on the 'ol ballcap, and get to the school.

Today is stim day 4 for Carly!

Odds 'N Ends

Here's some random bits of info I've got to tell you.

* Carly is on 1 bottle of stims less, both morning and night than Dr.Ego originally wanted her to take.
Once she had her baseline scan, I guess he decided that she had a good amount of antral follicles, and took a look at her past protocol.

* Her new protocol is 150 Gonal F (2 bottles) in the morning and
150 (2 bottles) of Repronex (also changed from Pergonal) at night.
So that's that. I'm glad that he scaled it back a bit.

* Today was her second day of stims, and her next scan and bloodwork is this Friday. (stim day 5)

* Remember when I got the surprise speculum? And then I got the call that the "integrity of the sample was compromised" and we needed to do it again?
Well we had to wait to re-do it, because my period arrived right after that call.
Yesterday, while I was having my baseline scan, I asked my nurse about it. She told me that the sample wasn't even run, because they just changed the vials that the sample goes in to, and the medium that surrounds it.
I guess my nurse had used an "old' (like a week) vial, so they wouldn't run it. But they hadn't even sent her the new vials to use. Dumb asses.
So I have to have that done again, because of their new changes. Grrr, clinics.

* I go again next Monday for a u/s to check my lining, and blood levels. Also for the second round with the speculum for the rest of my testing.

Umm, I think that's it for now. I'll add to the list when I remember if I forgot anything.

Another cycle begins

My daughter is Kate 13 years (and 2 months) old.
Yesterday, she got her period for the first time.
*sob*
It actually got to me emotionally.
I was pregnant for Kate at the age of 18, and delivered her when I was barely 19 years old. It really doesn't seem that long ago. I can't believe that my baby girl is growing up so quickly. Some years, time seems to hold still, and your children almost seem like they'll never grow up or change.
But every once in a while, there's a moment, or an event that makes your eyes open...and you see clearly for a moment. You look at your child and you say "Wow. They look so different to me today."
Or, "I can't belive that they're able to do that."
Yesterday was one of those moments.
I kept catching myself studying my daughter's face as she did her homework. I looked over at her more than usual as we watched a movie. Looking at her profile, I realized that my little girl isn't so little anymore. She's really a young lady. And at the same time I am sad, I am proud and awed at the woman she is becoming.

I'm so excited!

Sing it with me now.
"I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it..."

TODAY IS THE DAY. The day our cycle truly begins. I am so happy!

I just got back from my u/s and bloodwork at the clinic.
My uterus looks perfect, and my lining is at a nice thin 3.
I start estrogen pills and patches tonight after I pick them up from the pharmacy.
I return for another lining check next Monday. My lining should be at a 12 or more by then, as it tends to thicken quickly. Excellent stuff!

I talked to Carly, who had gone to our main clinic this morning.
(I go to one of our satellite offices.)
She had her baseline scan and bloodwork done. On the right side she had 11 or 12 follicles, and on the left side she had 4. She told me that they always have a hard time seeing her left side, and that there was most likely more follicles there. So as of today we're at 16 antral follicles. Good stuff right?
Right now she's at her pharmacy, picking up her stim meds. Have I said how excited I am? AYIEEEE!

I talked to my favorite nurse today, asking her about the increase in meds for Carly. She reassured me that it wasn't too drastic, and that Dr.Ego will cut her back in a couple of days if she starts off too quickly. She said that he'd rather start off a little heavy, and then cut back if needed. I guess if you start stims hesitantly and then try to boost meds up, sometimes the cycle never "gets off the ground."
Ok. I'll accept that explanation.
For now.
We'll see what happens.

Come on eggs! We want lots of healthy eggs!

In my email

I just got an email from my daughter's friend. It wasn't to me, but to my daughter. Why she gave out MY email? I have no idea. Here is the email in it's entirety.

PaRtY hArD, RoCk'N'rOll, We'Re tHe ClaSs YoU cAn'T cOnTrol! nAuGhTy LaDiEs, PiMpiN mEn! We'Re ThE claSs Of 2010!!!



Oh lord.

Grrrr- clinics

They're making us wait until Monday. I hate them right now.

Carly called the clinic this morning at 8am and left a message. Nurse Biatch called her back around 3pm. Told her that they would see her Monday for her first scan and she'll start stims that night. Damn. We were hoping to start stims tomorrow. I HATE WAITING. Carly practically begged the nurse to take her on day 3 (Saturday) when they normally do scans,( as far as we know they do them every day, they have before) but Nurse Biatch would not relent. Mondays are a really tough day for Carly, she teaches high school for the day and goes straight to college to teach for the night. Why oh why won't they scan her and start her stims on Saturday? Wahhhh.

I guess they told her that she'll be doing a new stim protocol which kind of freaks us both out. She's had great success with egg amount and quality on 1 amp Pergonal in the am and 1 amp Gonal-F in the pm.
(or maybe the other way around, I forget which is morning and which is at night)
Since she's doing a surrogacy this time, she had to switch Dr's at our clinic. Her Dr. doesn't do IVF with surrogates.
Now, I don't have the greatest respect for our current doctor. I had him earlier last year when I cycled with Sally and Don. I believe he may have messed up our cycle and the outcome.
Guess who our Dr is? Mmmmm Hmmm. I AM a little worried.

Like I said, she's cycled with our clinic over 10 times in the last 7 years. They've gotten her pregnant 5 times. Her protocol was good. Very good response.
Her stim time is alsways 8 days from first stim shot to trigger shot. Then of course 2 days until retrieval. 10 days total.
She gets lots of eggs (ususally 20-30)
Lots fertilize (usually upper teens)
They freeze some on day 3 and a bunch go to blast (5-10)
WHY MESS WITH THAT?

This time Dr.Ego is having her take 3 amps in the morning (whichever is the sub-q, gonal-f or pergonal) and 3 amps at night (whichever is the IM shot, so Ben can do it for her.)
I'm worrying over here.
It's only been a year and a little bit since her last IVF cycle. She's 39. Isn't that a drastic leap in stim change?

I don't know. I hate to be a micro manager. I'm a super worrier and control freak. I have to stop.
Just because I had a negative cycling experience with Dr.Ego early last year, doesn't mean that this one will be bad too.

Right?

I'll try to let go, I'll try to wait patiently until Monday.




Is it Monday yet?

Trumpets sound

Carly's period has arrived!
She called me before the clinic.
I'll know more when she calls me back,
but TODAY is OFFICIALY CYCLE DAY ONE!

Scratch that

Ok, I just talked to Carly, for about an hour. We're all caught up now. She hasn't started her period yet, but expects to start tomorrow.
We had a good conversation. She told me a couple of things that made my heart squishy. She told me that she was telling her family about me on the cruise this past week. I think her words were " I was bragging to them about how great you are, and how lucky I am."
She told me that she told them "You guys are going to love her."
She also said that I'm going to love her family, that they'll have me constantly laughing.
We talked about how she is such a busy person, and that her friends and family are already giving her a hard time, telling her that she will have to slow down soon, once the "babies" are here.
She knows this, and she's fully prepared to do that, and she'll be thrilled for the opportunity. But she has admitted to me that she is nervous about the reality of becoming a mommy of a newborn or two.
She laughingly said to me that she told them "Are you kidding? I'm going to have Dee (me) move in with me part time."
I told Carly that I doubt there'll be room for me around those "babies" once they're born, that I'd probably have to wrestle down one of her family members to get some time with them.

(why we always say "babies", I have no idea, we both just say it in plural all the time)

She then said something about me being the one she'll trust the most once they're born, after having just carried them.
She also jokingly said something about loving to employ me as a nanny "after you've had time to recover of course!"
I think she is overcome with nervousness, thinking that she'll need lots of help due to her being a first time mom. But if you guys knew Carly, you'd know like I do that she's going to be a fantastic mommy. I have no doubts about that.

Almost there

Well, my period arrived this morning. I have no idea what's going on with Carly, I haven't talked to her. I left her two messages today, one on her cell, the other on their home phone. I hope she calls me soon, I'm really starting to wonder what's going on.

Not happy

My nurse from the IVF clinic called. The integrity of the sample was compromised. I have to re-do the speculum surprise. Not happy.

Last BCP

This morning I took my last birth control pill. So glad. My stomach is so bloated, my boobs are about to explode and I am the cryingest, snappiest biatch around. I'm about 4 days overdue right now, and I'll be a week or so overdue by the time it actually starts, since I had to take more pills than Carly so that she could catch up and our cycles would be in sync.

Other than that there's nothing new. Carly and Ben are on their cruise right now. I hope they're basking in the sun, relaxing as much as possible.

Too much sun can't affect egg quality can it? I'm so kidding.

Home

Allen's home. I'm trying to get the aftermath of Christmas taken care of, the house and our lives back to normal.

The appointment for my lupron and ultrasound yesterday was horrible. I got a surprise visit from the speculum. My nurse forgot to tell me that they needed to test for the clap and something else. Hmmm, didn't have that earlier this year when I was with Sally and Don.

When she inserted the speculum, or should I say when she TRIED to insert it, I swear the thing had jagged razor edges. I about hit the roof of the examining room. I can take quite a bit of pain, and for the first few moments I said nothing. Then I started saying "ow, oW OW!" and she replied "sorry, so sorry, but wow you have a long way to your cervix. I can't reach it. It's way up there."
Now, in my 15 years of having pap smears, births etc, no one has ever told me this, or had a problem reaching my cervix. So she said she'd try again and she took it out and did it again. Fun. The second time was slightly better, and she admitted once she got where she needed to be, that she didn't have it positioned correctly the first time. Uh hunh. Thanks.
She gave me my lupron shot, and I was on my way. Our cycle is started! Here we go!

Sigh

Allen still in hospital. Don't know for how much longer.
I'm losing it over here. So much going on.
Lupron Depot shot and ultrasound for the go-ahead tomorrow morning at the clinic.
Talk soon.

Hospital

Allen's in the hospital, and has been since yesterday at noon, right after the kids opened their gifts. It's his diverticulosis, "itis" now that it's flaring up. This time a general surgeon has decided that Allen will go under the knife, as soon as they can get his affected colon to clear up. They're hitting him with large doses of pennicillan, two different kinds, and he should be home in a couple more days. He'll have surgery to remove the offending section of colon in a couple of months.
I just came home to let the puppy out, and check on his food and water, now it's back to the hospital.
This sucks.

Drugs

Going to pick up my second pack of birth control pills. I only have 2 of the active pills left. I can't believe that I've already taken 3 weeks worth. My nurse told me to skip the week of inactive white pills and continue on to a new pack, so I had to reorder. Only 8 more birth control pills to take before I can stop. I'm so happy about that. I also ordered my Lupron Depot shot, I'm picking that up tonight, and taking it on Dec 28th. Only 7 more days!

Well, we found out the cost to have the car repaired. $2,800.
We don't have it right now. I don't know what we're going to do.
I have to admit, it's times like these that make me re-think being a stay at home mom and surrogate. I've thought about returning to work,but this just isn't the right time to do it, for so many reasons.
For now we're going to continue to borrow Allen's mom's second vehicle, and Allen said he's going to have the car towed home from the impound yard tonight.
He says he may try to fix it himself.
Now, my man can change brakes and rotors and change our oil, but to do the kind of repairs that our car needs after an accident? Ummm. We'll see what happens.
Stay tuned.

Will pictures do?

I'm so, so sick. My voice has been gone since yesterday afternoon. I can barely get a whisper out. This sucks.

In lieu of an entry, will a few photos do?

I picked up Kate's friend Christy. She's spending the night tonight. Yes, on a school night. Am I a cool Mom or what? Actually, the girls are only allowed to spend school nights at each other's houses, no where else. Christy's Mom works with disabled kids at the girls' junior high, so I know Kate will get to school, and on time, when she spends the night there. Christy's Mom trusts us to do the same. The girls actually go to bed on time when their together. So it's really not a problem.

The other night when Christy stayed over, I taught them how to make apple crisp and tonight I taught them how to make tree bark. (Chocolate covered crackers) whatever you want to call it.


Girls making apple crisp (Kate on right, Christy on left)


Making tree bark tonight.




After we were finished baking I went upstairs to the kitchen, because I realized that I didn't have a picture of the finished product.
As I got to the top of the stairs Christy ran giggling to the girls bed. I said "busted." They were already told to be in bed. When I got to the crackers cooling on the counter, this is what I saw. Look at the cracker in the center of the picture.






That is a finger mark. Someone dragged their finger through 5 of the chocolate crackers.
Of course I can't holler, because my voice is gone. I whispered while making disgusted faces and accused both of the girls, who of course denied it. Vehemently.
I told them to call TJ downstairs. He was also in bed already. He came down and I did the same with him. He denied it. I kept asking him because I know my 8 year old. If he did it, he would cave with repeated questioning. After the 5th time I whispered "TJ did YOU do it... tell me the TRUTH..." he giggled. Little bastard. He said... "but it was so goood..' in this guilty voice. My boy loves chocolate.

The guilty party.



Well I guess this ended up to be a full entry. You can thank TJ.

Canine Carnage

Here is some of the canine carnage. This is all within the past week. These pictures do not NOT include my favourite ballcap which has been destroyed, or Allen's favourite tie- with the end chewed off.
Include many more pees and poops in improper places and there you have it.


The Canine:



The Carnage:

The Tim Hortons was TJ's hot chocolate, and the Marlboro's are Allen's.



That's what you think it is.




Allen's best dress shoe.



My new boots. Check out the left boot. The top and the back.



Kate's toe sock.

I hurt

Oh God it hurts. Make it go away. My throat feels like a cheese grater when I swallow. My head like a pressurized ball, my chest like a troop of girls scouts have made a bonfire in there.
See that post down below. Yeah. That one was because I was up at 4:30am this morning. The PAIN woke me out of a deep sleep and I had to get up and make a mug of hot tea, and down it all, just so I could swallow and get back to sleep.

Today, I have to drive to Canada to pick up my daughter, who is at her Dad's house. It will only take me about 2 1/2 hours roundtrip, but I hate it all the same. Whose damn idea was it to move to the U.S. anyway?
Also, I am going to start posting pictures of the Canine Carnage.
* pictures to follow, camera too dead to upload *

Bored and Bitchy

Well, I'm bored and bitchy over here. I want to know what they put in these birth control pills. I've been a stark raving bitch. I'm trying to keep it inside. It doesn't always work. Honestly, I feel a little psychotic. One minute I'm fine, the next minute the smallest thing makes me want to flip out. This is not me. I want it to go away.

Our Depot Lupron shots are on Dec 28th, and we stop taking our birth control pills on Dec 30th. Could someone please tell me when my period should start? With my last two IVF cycles I wasn't on the B/C pills. My period started 5 days after the lupron. (if I remember correctly)

In other news, Carly and I havn't talked much, she is insanely busy with her high school and college students. She is also in charge of planning a family cruise for 40 people, they leave Dec 25th or 26th for a 4 or 5 day cruise. She'll be back on Dec 30th or 31st (I forget).
I think we've talked once in the last 10 days.

She said something that made me cringe the other day.
It started innocently enough. She was thanking me for everything I've done so far. For being organized and taking some of the pressure off of her to do everything.
She said something to the effect of, "I just can't believe how much you're helping me. Things are going so smoothly. Most surrogates wouldn't do what you've done. Ben and I are so glad we hired you to be our surrogate."
And then she said something about paying someone... I forget. My brain kind of blinked off at that, as I started mulling over the "hired help" part of what she said.
Then, because I was so quiet, and I think she realized how what she said sounded, she quickly added, "but I know- we're friends too." The tone in her voice implying that this isn't just buisness, we are starting to care for each other in a more personal way.

Ok, I know that they have in fact "hired" me to be their surrogate. But ick. Yes, they are compensating me for what I am doing. But when I hear the word hired, I think of a boss/employee relationship and it doesn't feel good. Hopefully it was just a poor use of words, and not a Freudian slip.

Winter in Michigan

This is what it looks like at my house today.
I just snapped this picture of the creek that runs across the end of my backyard.

I've been tagged

Well Cat did it. She was the first ever to tag me. Thanks girl, it was great!

Five things about me.

1. I live in Michigan. I've noticed that a few of my readers are from MI also.
It looks like there are a couple of you that live within 15-30 minutes from me.
Hello!

2. I'm Canadian. Born and raised there, didn't move to the U.S until 1997. (see below)

3. I met my husband in a chat room ( anyone remember POWWOW chatrooms?) back in Oct of 1996. I lived in Canada, Allen lived in the U.S.
November 1st, 1996 we decided to meet face to face. We met at a local bar. I chose this place specifically because a friend of mine was the doorman, and said that if Allen turned out to be some freaky weirdo, he'd throw him out on his ass. Things went wonderfully, and six months later Allen and I got married.(1997) I moved to Michigan. We've been married for 8 1/2 years now.
9 years this spring. I love the internets!

4. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I'm 32. If this surrogacy is successful, I plan on going to school to become a licensed Massage Therapist in January of 2007.

5. I didn't drive/get my license until I was 25 years old.

I tag Lynette, Dooney, Jennie, Thalia, and Stacy.

I'm a bitch

Just an update to say that I'm bitchy and crabby and I'm blaming it all on the birth control pills. Holy mother of God, I've been a hormonal mess.

Still no word on the car, other than it may be fixable. There is a guy at the towing yard that does body work and he said that he would call around to get used part prices and then call us with an estimate for him to do the work. Last we heard (Saturday) the guy was waiting on some part prices from other yards.

La la la. We're still waiting. Being a two car family was overrated anyway.

Did I metion that we only had PLPD for insurance on the Sable? No? Well, everything is going to be out of pocket, and our pockets were already empty.

Also, my sister in law bought me a pair of cute Ugg-like boots. The puppy chewed the hell out of them.
This morning I woke up to 4 Christmas bulbs shattered in 4 seperate locations throughout the house.
Damn.

Bad Day Already

6am- wake up to new puppy pee and poop on floor.

7am- got in argument with 13 year old daughter. Husband and daughter leave for work and school, I start crying as soon as the door shuts.

7:30 am- 8 year old wakes up and has peed the bed, strip the bed, put him in the tub.

7:45 am- Husband calls and has hit a patch of ice, slides into rear end of some guys van, bends the guys bumper and tells me that he thinks our 2000 Sable is totalled. I hang up, and start to cry some more.

More later. Fuck.

Next Month!

Well here we are in December. I can finally say that we're having our transfer next month. Next month!

Carly and I talk on the phone a couple of times a week. Every time we talk, it reinforces to me how lucky we are. She's great. Warm, loving, talkative.
We get so excited in our phone calls that we often talk over each other. It's like we both have so much to say, and we just can't hold it in. We're constantly telling each other how great we think the other person is. I told her the other day that we have our own Mutual Admiration Society. She just laughed and agreed.

She also mentioned to me yesterday she was talking to one of our nurses at the clinic and our nurse told her that they wished they had known after I wasn't working with Sally and Don anymore, that I was looking for another couple to work with. They would have loved to have had me surrogate for one of the many couples in need at our clinic. Carly told me that our nurse was being very complimentary about me. Carly laughed and said to me, "Well I'm glad that they didn't tell you that, or I would never have gotten you!"

What a sweetheart she is. She makes me feel very appreciated with her words. Remember one of my fears was being thought of as an employee? Well it's not going to happen with this couple, let me tell you. I can tell they value who I am and what I'm doing. They also appreciate my husband and his role in supporting what I'm doing. I feel very blessed to be helping this couple.

Carly and Ben have already asked us (the kids and all) to an annual family get-together on New Years Day, at their house. They're just thoughtful people and I appreciate that very much.

Last week when she and I were talking, she told me how she had just went to a Craft and Bead Show.
I said "What? I never knew they had those around here, I make jewellery."
She said " You do? So do I!"
I said " Actually, I've been looking for a certain stone, because I'm making you something."
She said, "No way! I was planning on making you something for Christmas!"


In other news..

Carly's period is due this weekend.
When we talked yesterday I told her to hurry up and start already.
Then I said "Go and have some good sex tonight, that'll get it going for sure."
and as I was saying that, she said, "Ben and I should do it tonight, that always gets it going." at the exact same time!
What a riot.
We're on the same wave length. Kinda scary.

So yeah. Things are good. I want January to BE HERE ALREADY!

I'm going to take my first birth control pill now ...

My old friend birth control

My Nurse called from the clinic today. I start birth control pills on Saturday. It's been about 12 years since I've taken them. Should be interesting.

Then, next Wednesday I'll go have an ultrasound to check out the old uterus, and make sure it's still in good shape. I'll also have bloodwork/screening for HIV, Hepatitis etc, to make sure I haven't contracted anything in the last 10 months.

I had screening done in February when I cycled with Sally and Don, so it's really a pain in the ass that I have to do it over again, especially since I'm with the same clinic, but I understand why they need to check. I also have to go to my Ob-Gyn's and get a copy of my most current pap. Gah. It feels like I just did this stuff...oh yeah...I did.

Oh well. You do what you have to do. I can't wait to get to the actual cycling part. The exciting stuff. The nail biting 2 week wait.

I just don't want to be let down again. I don't want Carly and Ben to be let down. I want this to work.

It's going to work.

3rd cycle's the charm right?

Who wants to hear about my period?

Well, it's here! Full flow baby! CD1- Yahooo!
And AWAY we go!
Hoping for healthy embryos and a BFP in January!

New addition to the family

His name is Jack. He's 10 weeks old. He's a good boy. Now the other one, Kate, she's not always such a good girl. :)

No Worries

I talked to my nurse at the IVF clinic today. She said not to worry, that I am supposed to start my BC pills on either day 3 or day 5 of my period, not day 1 as I had thought. She's going to check with Carly's nurse, and let me know which day to start taking them. As my period hasn't started full flow yet, and I believe Carly already dropped my perscription in the mail today, everything should be fine.

Getting Closer

Well, Carly called me this afternoon to tell me that both of our birth control perscriptions arrived at her house. Why didn't the clinic mail mine to me? Ugh. Carly and I live 45-50 minutes apart. She's going to drop my script in the mail Monday. I should have it by Tuesday or Wednesday at the latest.
The thing is, I'm due to have my period any day now. I'm guessing that I'll be CD1 between Mon-Wed, so that's cutting it a little bit close.
If I start before I get my script in the mail, I'll just phone the clinic and they can phone it in. As a matter of fact, I think I'll just call Monday morning anyway and have them phone it in.
Yep, that's the plan.
I'll call Carly tomorrow and tell her to save herself the stamp.
Glad we got that worked out.

Carly also asked me if I got the email from Dr. Psych's office, back on Wednesday.
Ummm that's a no.
Carly forwarded a copy of it to me, and everything looks great. She's going to talk to Dr.Psych Monday and tell her that we think everything looks good, and to go ahead and send us the actual contract so we can sign it and have it notarized.
We should get it in the mail by the end of next week, barring any unforseen complications.
Excellent.
Looks like everything is in place.

Didn't think it would be this bad...

This is Kate when she was 4 years old, and Chewy was 1.
Kate is now 13.


I miss my dog when I go to get up off the couch, and I glance down to make sure I don't step on him. He always layed right underneath wherever I sat.

I miss him when someone comes to our door and we don't hear a deep warning "woof."

I miss him in the morning when I wake up alone. He always climbed into bed and slept in my husbands spot, beside me, as soon as my husband left at 7 am.

I miss him following me into each child's room as I tucked them into bed at night.

I miss having to make sure the door is completely shut behind us when we go out the front door, so he doesn't follow.

I miss watching him and my husband wrestle on the living room floor.

I miss kissing his big snout.

I miss him wandering up and laying his head in my lap while I'm sitting on the couch.

I miss my shadow. He followed me from room to room throughout the day. Everywhere.

I miss him coming into the kitchen after dinner, to see what handouts he could get.

I can't even finish this because I miss him so much.

Sobbing

I had to put our dog down today.
He was 10 years old.
He was the best pet I've ever had.
I am so fucking sad.

I've been neglecting you.

Sorry about that.
There wasn't much to report.

Yesterday- Allen, Carly, Ben and I went to Dr.Psych's office. She was great!
We were there for about 2 hours. Basically the four of us sat in comfy chairs in her office, talked and drank coffee and tea. We went over everything that we agreed to from amount of embryos to transfer to where we will deliver. We went through all of our plans.

We agreed to 2 more counselling sessions, one at 12 weeks of pregnancy and one at 5-6 months. More if needed. Just to keep the lines of communication open between the two couples. Many issues can crop up during a surrogacy, and she wants us to be aware of that.

She gave me the psych test as a take home assignment. I did it in the car on the way home yesterday, and mailed it back to her last night.
It was the Milan test,and you answer with a True or False. I think my favourite statement was "I was on the cover of ten magazines last year."
I also enjoyed answering "I haven't seen a car in the last 10 years."

So now Dr. Psych is having our contracts drawn up, and we'll have them to review by email in a couple of days. If we agree to everything and no changes need to be made, then she'll send us the hard copy at the end of this week, beginning of next. The 4 of us will go and have it notarized, and we're done.

Now, we're just waiting on my period, which is due in 7-9 days. I'll call the clinic and start on BCPs. Things are about to move quickly now. Yes!

IVF here we come...

We have dates! Carly called the clinic today and spoke to Dr.Ego's nurse. This is also the same nurse that my last IM (Sally) and I had for our cycle.
So, Nurse Christy said that this is how we'll proceed.

She's mailing Carly and I our birth control prescriptions.
We will wait until my next period and then call the clinic on cycle day one.(due to start Nov 28th-30th)
Then, I'll start taking my birth control.
This is when we'll go meet with Dr.Ego, and bring in our contract that was drawn up with Dr.Psych. I will also have my ultrasound etc with Dr.Ego, to make sure the old uterus is still clear for takeoff.
Carly is due for her period about 4-5 days after me.
Then she'll start her birth control.(approx Dec 4th)
I believe somewhere around the 20th of Dec is when we get our depot lupron shots? I'm a little foggy here, as this is different than my last two times cycling.
We'll stay on b/c pills until the week of Christmas.
At that time we will stop the b/c pills and have our periods again.
That should be around Dec 28-30thth.
Nurse Christy said she expects to see Carly in the office around January 2nd or 3rd for her baseline ultrasound and to start stims.
I'll go to the satellite office near me and have my baseline ultrasound at the same time, and start on my estrogen patches and pills to build my lining.
Cary has been through 7 IUIs and 5 IVF cycles, and she told me tonight on the phone that she has never stimmed for more than 8 days before she's ready. So egg retreival should be around the 10-12th of January.
She also said that she usually gets at least 20 eggs, last time they ended up with 17 fertilized, so instead of doing a 3 day transfer, Dr.Ego took them to a 5 day blast before putting them back.
I don't know if he'll do a 3 day transfer or a 5 day this time, but that puts our transfer around January 15th-18th, give or take a couple of days.

I am so excited!

My Mother

Oh, I could tell you stories about my mother.

Let me give you some background. She's 52 years old. She met a man on the internet around 1997 . He lived in Montana, she lived in Ontario, Canada. They dated for a while, visiting back and forth. She moved to Montana and married him around 2000?
(I forget what year they married.) I really like my Step-Dad. I'll call him Rob. She made a good choice.
My Step-Dad Rob has 3 children and two young grandchildren.


Now, I just got off the phone with my mother.
The conversation went something like this.

Mom says "Hi Honey, how are you doing?"

"I'm good, how are you?"

"Oh" she says, "I just called to tell you a funny story. Remember how when you had Kate I told you that I was never going to be a babysitter, or be a Grandma that stayed home and baked cookies? That I was going to be a Grandma that would be more likely to go roller skating with them when they got older?"

Me (guardedly) "Yeah..."

Mom " Well it was Maize's (step grandaughter's) 6th birthday and it was held at a roller rink. So, you know me, when she asked me if I would put on skates and skate with her, I did. Of course I was skating and snapping pictures and of course Rob was laughing at me. So I made a face at him over my shoulder and I ended up crashing to the floor. The roller rink girl , you know, the one with the whistle, skated over to me to see if I was ok. I told her yes, and that I didn't think anything was broken. But, I did hit the floor pretty hard.
The next day at work (my mom works for a nursing home) my left arm was really bothering me, so the people at work convinced me to have it x-rayed. Well, I did, and it turns out that I broke my arm!" (she laughs)
Then she says...
"I was upset because Daddy Rob and I had planned to go deer hunting this weekend coming up. I told the Dr. about our plans to go hunting, and since I shoot my rifle with my right hand, I asked him if I could please go. He said yes. So I can still go shoot a deer this weekend!"

My mother is insane.

Batshit crazy? The Dr. decides...

Carly just called.
The pychologist received our info from Sugar.
We were offered to go to her office this Sunday, the 13th, for our screening.
Or next Sunday, the 20th, at her office.
Or she will be at our RE's office on Mon, the 21st.
The psychologist's office is about 1 1/2 hours from us.
The REs's office is about 30 minutes from us.

Due to the fact that my husband has an NFL football game to attend this Sunday, we won't be able to make it to this Sunday's appt. My husband only gets the opportunity to attend a couple of games a year, and the tickets are already bought, and plans have been made for him and a friend to go together, for about a month.

You know I was bummed, when Carly told me of the offer to go this Sunday.
But she was good with the fact that Allen had previous plans, even stating that this Sunday may not be the best day for her and Ben either.

We talked about waiting until Dr.Psych comes to our REs office, because of how much less driving and time would be involved.
But that idea was nixed due to the fact that she teaches school, and for Ben it isn't a good day for him to take off of work. Allen has Monday's off of work, so it wasn't any problem for us. Also, Dr.Psych said she woudn't have as much time for us if we met her at the REs on the Monday. Carly told me that she wants to spend as much time as we need with Dr.Psych, so we can get everything accomplished that we need to in one shot, if possible.

We decided to go out to Dr.Psych's office next Sunday, the 20th.
Allen and I are driving to Carly and Ben's early in the morning.(they live about 40 minutes from our house.)
Then we'll drive with Carly and Ben to Dr.Psych's.
Dr.Psych also told Carly to go ahead and set up our appointment to see Dr.Ego. They work together, and that she would make sure our contract was finished quickly.
She said we could go ahead and start meds, if Dr.Ego was wanting us to, because she'd have our contracts done before a transfer. Wow.

So Carly is calling Dr.Ego's office tomorrow (they're closed now) and is setting up our consultation with him. Since he's out of town until the 14th, my guess is that they will fit us in later in the week, or early the next week. Probably have our appointment with Dr. Ego between the 15th and the 22nd.
Like I mentioned in my last post, Dr.Ego isn't the type to mess around. We could possibly catch this cycle, and have a transfer in Dec.
Holy.

That's all for now.

Conversations

So, I've talked to Carly about 4 or 5 times since we met. Every single phone call has been great. I've never, not once, felt uncomfortable or had any doubts about how we'll get along.
I'm seriously excited to start cycling. Carly and I both said that we have a very good feeling that we're going to get me pregnant. We know that they have good stuff to work with. That is, eggs and sperm. She has been working with our clinic for about 6 years now. Our clinic had gotten her pregnant 5 times. 3 times through IUI and 2 times through IVF.
Now, I know I'm tempting fate by even saying it. But I'm going to carry a healthy baby to term for them. Carly and I both know that it may not happen the first time. IVF is a crap shoot we know. Even with the best quality embryos, sometimes they just don't implant etc. But they're going to try again. Hopefully, we'll have enough embryos to freeze some from our first cycle- to try again if we need to. If not, she says we'll cycle again. She tells me, "Oh, we're going to get you pregnant girlfriend, don't you worry."
I LOVE her optimism. She's already told me to "be ready to do this again for us if it works."
In the surrogacy world we like to refer to this as a "Sibling Project."

Just for shits and giggles, here's my fantasy timeline.

Today is Wed Nov. 9th.
Psychologist receives our info from Sugar and calls me either today or tomorrow for an appt to be screened.
Appt for screening is set up for sometime between Nov11th and Nov 15th.
Screening gets done, and contract gets written up between parties.
Nov 14th Dr. Ego returns to office. (he's been away)
Nov 15th-20th We have a consultation with Dr. Ego.
Nov 23rd I have depot lupron shot. (the timing would be perfect)
Nov 30th would be cycle Day 1 (trust me, I'm like clockwork)
1st week of Dec Carly would start stim meds.
By Dec 15th at the latest Carly would have egg retreival.
By Dec 20th at the latest we'd have the transfer.
By New Years Eve we may know if it worked.

Now, I know that sounds far fetched, but let me tell you, with the last couple I worked with, since we had the same Dr as Carly and I have now, from the time Sally and I went to Dr.Ego for our first consultation, to the time of transfer, was only 5-6 weeks. Our second cycle was only 6 weeks as well.
It just so happens that Carly and I are only 4 days apart in our cycle right now naturally. It won't be any problem to sync us, I know that.
I also know that Dr. Ego doesn't play aroound. Once you're ready to get started, he gets started with the very next opportunity. That's what he did with Sally and I, and we were both new there.
With Carly and I, she has been with his clinic for years, and I've already had all of my preliminary stuff done, and cycled with them two times this year, and my records are right there. They've already got everything they need.
And it just so happens that right after he would see us (if we can see him the week of the 15th) is the point in my cycle I would have lupron started.

Ok- I know that it would be a stretch for everything to fall into place like that.

So my logical mind says there will be a little snag somewhere. The psychologist won't be able to see us for a week or two, and neither can Dr Ego.
That means we catch our next periods at the end of Dec, and transfer in Jan.
And if all goes haywire, we'll be transferring in Feb.

No matter what, it's going to be soon. I can't wait.

Things are good

Nothing much has happened progress-wise since I met Carly and Ben. Sugar sent our info to the psychologist and now we're just waiting for the psychologist to call us. She's going to set up an appointment for the four of us to be screened ,and make sure we aren't bat shit crazy. Then we will have our contract drawn up and then we'll meet with Dr.Ego (our RE). We should be starting to cycle by Dec. I'm going to go out on a limb here, and say that we'll have a January transfer. For sure by February.
More soon.

The Meeting - part four

I remember Sugar telling her that we were down in the restaurant.

Things get even hazier and more sped up from here.
I have little flashes of moments or scenes, but not a full recollection of what happened.

I remember seeing Carly come through the restaurant door.
I remember feeling a quick wave of comfortableness ( is that a word?) because she was smiling and laughing about something.
I remember Sugar asking where Ben was and her saying something about Ben being in the lobby with the valet, or still outside waiting for the valet to finish...
I remember being introduced to her and I started to shake her hand and then I ended up saying something like "let me give you a hug too" and hugging her.
I remember thinking that she was so much prettier in person than in her photo.

I'm pretty sure she was introduced to Allen.
Then Allen excused himself as he had yet to load our belongings into the car, and check out.

Seconds later Ben arrived. We were introduced to each other? by who? I don't know, and with him there was a quick handshake and then he pulled me in for a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I was nicely surprised by that, and it made me feel even more comfortable. The three of us stood there making chit chat for a couple of minutes. The only thing I can remember saying was something to Ben about how he and Allen must have just passed each other in the hallway.
Allen has us checked out and our luggage loaded into the car in no time. It felt like 2 minutes and he was back. He was introduced to Ben, and Sugar asked Allen if he had met Carly? Umm yeah, just 5 minutes ago...
I guess she was flustered too.

We were seated at a long rectangle table that seated 6. I remember Sugar ordering Carly and I to sit "across" from one another. I guess so we could talk directly to each other. I had planned on it anyway. Carly and I sat on the end of the table across from one another. Allen sat to my left and across the table from Ben. Sugar sat on Carly and Ben's side of the table, at the end, across from the empty seat.
The waitress brought us menus, and I had no idea what to order. My stomach did not feel like eating, but I knew I had to order something.
They still had the breakfast menu which was OK with me, but everyone else wanted lunch. Carly asked the waitress if they could have lunch instead and the waitress looked at her watch and said yes, lunch would be ok too.
I decided on whole wheat pancakes, with fresh apple compote and lowfat vanilla yogurt. Allen decided to have breakfast instead of lunch, ordering eggs, toast, etc.
Sugar changed her mind also, and had the same as I did.
Carly had soup and a mushroom ravioli dish, Ben had a salad and some yummy looking pasta dish.

When Carly's soup and Ben's salad came Sugar prompted us to talk about ourselves. She asked Allen to tell them about what he did for a living etc.
She asked me to share why I wanted to become a surrogate and a little about the last couple I worked with.

When our breakfasts came we ate while Carly and Ben talked about what they do for a living and why they need a surrogate. Carly told me her medical history and how she came to be referred to Sugar's agency. She told me about the babies they lost. One at 5 months, a girl they named Gabrielle. The second was a baby boy at 4 1/2 months. The third and fourth losses happened at 8 weeks. Their last loss was boy/girl twins. Elizabeth and Conrad at 24 weeks. (some of this was shared with me last night when we talked on the phone)

We talked about the Dr's at our clinic, since we both have the same one. We talked about the different RE's and their personalities.
We talked about our families.
I don't remember much of what was said by Sugar, Allen or Ben. I think there was two seperate conversations going by this time. One at their end of the table, and one at ours. I remember being totally absorbed in talking with Carly.
She is such a vibrant person. I could have stayed and talked with her for hours more.
I remember a lot of reaching across the table and touching/hitting each others hands or arms. During a shared laugh or moment of something one of us said and the other would say "Yes!" or "I feel the same way!"
I remember talking about Allen and she kept saying "Oh my gosh, him and Ben have so much in common!" and "Ben, he's just like you!"
I remember at one point she said "I just love you already!" and I said something like "Me too!"

Lunch was finishing up when Sugar said " So, can we all assume that we're going to work together?" By this time it was a no brainer that everyone had hit it off fabulously.
I think I answered first with "I'm 100% comfortable enough to say right now that I'd like to" and Carly said some thing like "Absolutely, are you kidding me?"

The Sugar got out "the list" and we made quick work of that. Sugar made notes to be sent with the basic compensation list to send off to the lawyer to help draw up our contract. Carly and I shared contact information. Email addys, phone numbers etc.
The guys took off so Allen could have a smoke over in the sports bar.
Sugar shared her book of sucessful matches and babies born to her agency with Carly.
We left the restaurant, grabbed the guys from in front of the sports bar and the three of us gals used the restroom. It was going to be a long ride back to our home state for Carly, Ben, Allen and I.
The valet pulled our cars up and we said our good-byes.

Allen commented in the car on our way home that he was amazed at her positive outlook considering how much loss they have been through.
We talked about how they are so much like us.
She is a spitfire, full of passion and emotion. She runs the ship.
He is more laid back. Supporting her choices, going along for the ride because he loves her.

I was so happy to have met them. I was so excited to begin the process again.
Carly and Ben are superb people and they will make wonderful parents.
I want us to have success.

The Meeting - part three

I walked through the lobby and looked for Sugar. There were about 10 people down there. None of them looked like they were waiting for me. There were a couple people standing talking to each other. There were a few people at the registration desk. There was a lady checking out the jewellery display. Hmm. The lady at the display had her back to me and she was carrying what looked like a couple of briefcase type bags. I decided to walk past her and say Sugars name, to see if it was her.
I walked past and in a casual voice I said "Sugar?"
The lady never turned and I smoothly kept walking.
Well. I stopped near the registration desk and looked around, starting to feel a little silly. Where was she? I scanned the entire area and decided that the only person in the area that could be Sugar was the lady in front of the jewellery. I tried again. I started walking back towards her, when she turned around and saw me approaching. "Sugar?" I asked. "Hiiiiiii" she said. We shook hands and she told me that Carly and Ben would be there in about 45 more minutes. We decided to go to one of the restaurants located on the lobby floor.
We sat at an empty bar area, while a waitress set up a table for the 5 of us.

From here things get a little sketchy, as I was quite nervous and excited. I think my brain kind of shut down as things speeded up.

She kept telling me how "cute" and "pretty" I was. I kept thanking her and telling her how nervous and sweaty palmed I was.
She told me that if I didn't feel right about working with Carly and Ben, not to worry, that she thought all of her waiting couples would be happy to work with me.
She kept reaching out and touching my left arm as she spoke to me.
I sipped on my ice water and willed myself to relax and tried to pay attention to her chatter.
We went over my list of fees. She talked to me about a couple of things that Carly mentioned she was unsure about. Things that could maybe be negotiated? I assured Sugar that I was flexible. She seemed relieved. They had to do with childcare costs and my husbands wages. Two things that I did not mind bending on.
She took out a photo album and showed me her agency's success stories. Each page had the couple's picture, their baby's picture and their surrogate's picture. It was almost full. I remember telling her to save us a page.
About 30 minutes had passed, and I decided to call Allen and see how things were going and tell him exactly where we were at. There are three restaurants in the hotel lobby- I didn't want him to search for us.
I called him and Sugar went to use the restroom.
She returned and he showed up a minute after.
I introduced them and the three of us chatted for about 2 minutes.
Then Sugar's phone rang and it was Carly.
They had arrived at the hotel.

The Meeting - part two

My eyes bugged out of my head.

What the heck was she doing in the lobby already? Why didn't she call me to say she was on her way? AAAGGH.
I told her that I was just finishing getting ready and that I'd be down in 5 minutes.
"Ok, no hurry" she told me. Ha. If only she knew.

Allen had just got out of the shower and was standing in the bathroom doorway dripping wet. I told him to get a move on it, that Sugar was in the lobby. He wasn't too happy. I told him that she said "no, hurry" and he said, "I didn't plan on it." I asked him to pack up our stuff and stow it in the car and meet me downstairs after he was ready.
He agreed and turned on the blow dryer.
I got an adreneline rush and my hands started to shake.
I hastily did my makeup. Coverup, eyeshadow, lipstick, mascara. 2 minutes total.
I shakily put on the matching cross necklace and earrings that my sisiter-in-law had bought me for good luck that day. As I was putting on the second earring I noticed that I was missing the back. I panicked just a little. Allen shut off the blow dryer and reassured me as he checked the carpet around my feet. "It's ok, it's alright, don't worry, I'll find it."
This only lasted about a minute. I found the missing back. It was on my other ear. In my nervous rush, I had put both earring backs on the first earring I put in.
OK then.

I grabbed my purse and my folder of important papers. With a quick kiss from Allen, I headed out the door to the elevator. On my way to the lobby I realized something.

I didn't know what Sugar looked like, and she never told me what she was wearing.

The Meeting - part 1

I'll tell you what I remember from our meeting Sunday morning.

Allen and I woke up and spent about an hour lazing around the hotel room.
I hopped in the shower. They have the best water pressure EVER at the H1lt0n, I almost drowned it was that good.
I blow dried my hair and decided to clip it up in back. With a couple of curls from the curling iron it was done and looked good on the first try. Miracle!
I got dressed, in a grey and black flecked knitted sweater and loose black casual pants for those of you who care about what I decided to wear.

At that point I decided to call Sugar, to see when she would arrive.

I have to mention that Sugar had called the hotel the night before to see if we had arrived and if we liked our room. Yes we had, and yes we did I assured her.
Sugar had also told me that there was a change of plans. Carly and Ben would be driving in, instead of flying. I guess that when Carly went to book the flights the day after we decided which day to meet, the cost had doubled. Since they also live about 5 hours from Big City, they decided to drive.
Sugar told me that she would come a little early so we could meet-as I hadn't met her yet- and talk until Carly and Ben arrived.

I dialed Sugar's house and her husband informed me that she was on her way, and had been for quite some time. Yikes. I knew that she only lived about an hour away from the hotel.
Allen was just stepping out of the shower, I didn't have any makeup on, and our room needed to be packed up. Checkout was at noon and we would be busy meeting and having lunch at that time.
How close was she? I called her cell phone. "Good morning!" I said when she answered.
"Hi dear!" she replied. "I'm in the lobby!"

Oh crap.

To be continued.